It is scientifically impossible to have a serious discussion about a rod of lordly mightIt is also scientifically impossible for gamers to resist a pun-off.

Just last session, my party was hunting down a band of plant zombies. It is inadvisable to ask them about the experience. First they’ll tell you how they rooted out the opposition. The fight wasn’t so bad though, because their bark was worse than their bite. The party had a fern believe that they would win, and didn’t even birch about it when they took damage.

Yew get the idea. I don’t want to get sappy here, because I do love my players. But sometimes acorny joke goes too far. Happily, when I asked them to stop they said oaky dokey.

OK. I’m done. I hope you’re in as much pain as I was, because that fifteen minutes worth of plant people tracking was torture. And Gygax forbid you ever get started on the sexual innuendo. If you’ve ever seen a rogues do it from behind t-shirt you know what I’m talking about. Same deal with bags of holding (your sack is huge!). Same deal with ettins (what else does he have two of?). Same deal with scoring some booty, or great cleave(age), or the tongues spell, or a paladin laying hands on himself. Gamers will always come up with these jokes. And like the treant who bit his lip and exclaimed, “Dat ash!” I think I like it that way.

How about the rest of you guys? What’s the best (or worst) innuendo you’ve ever encountered in a game? Let’s hear it in the comments!