You may never know the depth of my love for Cleric’s pajama hammers.

If you’ve never adventured with an intelligent item, I recommend you give it a try. I’ve got a bladebound magus in my current campaign, and his scimitar has been a great source of amusement. Lirima the Lovely Blade wants to be wielded by the world’s greatest warrior, and it’s her goal to mold her wielder into such a man…tiefling…whatever. If she has her way, there will be no skulking about with invisibility and other such cowardly stratagems. The couple of times the magus has failed his Will save vs. her ego he’s had to shout a pithy one-liner and hurl himself before the enemy all Dudley Do-Right style. And let me tell you, watching a Dex-based magus attempt to bull rush an ogre off a stairway is comedy gold.

Of course, it was less funny when the souls trapped in my wizard’s custom metamagic rod got the upper hand. They used his mouth to tell that party’s Big Stupid Fighter, “The rod is evil! You must destroy it!” Good riddance to those jerks anyway.

Any of you guys have a good intelligent item story? Let’s hear it in the comments!