Laurel was going to include stuffed animals in the seats around the table, but there were too many echoes of Eric Cartman. If Thief did have stuffed animals though, I’m fairly certain they would all have bangs.

You ever run into one of these knuckleheads that seizes on the name of an ability, reads nothing else about it, and decides that it should work like they want because reasons?

  • “Well I’ve got Acrobatic, so I should be able to stay in the saddle.”
  • “I took Toughness, so I get a bonus against poison, right?”
  • “Does Sense Wyld let me find nearby animals?”
  • “Sorry. He’s got protection from white. Wrath of God won’t kill him.”
  • “Yeah, but I’ve got Seven Shadow Evasion, so these shadow creatures shouldn’t be able to hit me.

OK, that last one is technically accurate, but not because it lets you evade shadow demons or whatever. Actually, you know what? Exalted being Exalted, I’d probably give it a pass. In Thief’s case, however, I don’t think you can stretch Throw Anything into some bastardized form of event planning. I mean, where would it end? Throwing your voice? Throwing the big game? Throwing your enemies off balance?

Look Thief, I know you’re too smart for this stuff, and cheating through feigned ignorance is still cheating. Now eat that whole cake by yourself and cry.