Discretion
It has been many a long year since I first told this story. Yet I think it’s high time Drangor was given pride of place as a proper rant. Is it time for another tale from the table? Does an otyugh’s outhouse smell like crap?
So no shit, there we were! It was in the high golden days of myth and legend, when beer flowed like wine in the halls of Dorm, and the mighty bellows of THAT GUY were heard throughout the quad. His thighs were as miracle whip, his belly like the gods’ own cream cheese, his hair like the bowl cut of the transcendent page boy. He was such a man who would boast of his deeds to the cute RA, bragging of the “many hours per day” he would practice with his mall ninja weapons. Such a man who would shout from open windows at the dirty haxxors online, cowing them with the might of his immoderate yop.
He lived on my floor. He saw us playing in the common room. We were obliged to let him join.
Said he, “I always play a ranger. He always has a wolf companion. His name is always Drangor.” And we lesser mortals cast about for signs of irony, but found only the light of certitude burning in his small pink eyes.
And with a voice made timorous by THAT GUY’s presence, our DM did say, “The sewer stretches before you, foul water knee deep receding into the gloom. As you take the first few steps forward, you feel something at your ankles. Make a Reflex save.”
And Drangor did fail his Reflex save, and lo did he face plant into filth. For there were many trip wires within the sewers, and the trip wires did enrage THAT GUY to such excess that he ran shouting throughout the waterways, falling and tripping all the while, his faithful wolf falling and tripping at his side. The thieves’ guild (for such slimy places are ever their haunts) soon heard our blunderings. And we did give battle, and for a time it was good. But soon the party came through the murk and blood to our place of meeting, there to find an holy agent of the gods beneath the palace of the King. For that evening was a gathering of nobles, and a royal ball was our destination.
“Quick,” said he, “Change into this fine raiment which I’ve brought for you. For I suspect a fiend of darkest Hell has come amongst the guests, and even now dances with our fair Princess.”
We did as the priest bid us, and soon stood in darkness decked out in finery.
“Next,” said the holy man, “You must give up such weapons as you cannot conceal, for the guards are suspicious, and will not let sharp steel near to His Majesty.”
And as we lesser folk unburdened ourselves of bow and blade, a look of fury came to Drangor’s countenance. For he would not part with the legendary sword Special Snowflake. A great battle then shook the dorms as THAT GUY gave vent to his frustrations, cries of IT’S WHAT MY CHARACTER WOULD DO and DRANGOR WILL NOT GO UNARMED buffeting our cowering DM.
And the game did end without a ball, without a fiend, and without a princess saved. For THAT GUY held fast to Drangor’s beliefs, and thus lay waste to the campaign forever.
-Book of Drangor, chapters 5 and 6
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If that was Chapter 5 and 6, what were the first four?
I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a few decades for the prequel movies to come out. 😛
Street Samurai, luv?
You need to accept you’re no Street Ninja, and you’re not operating within your optimal skillset.
I bet she gets all indignant when they try to peacebond her at Masquerade Con registration.
I’ve said before… long skirts and petticoats are perfect for concealing weapons — but maybe aim a little smaller.
Handguns and daggers, maybe an SMG… no problem. Two-handed swords… yeah, no. Rocket launchers, *hell no*.
Maybe an inventor could “wear” a mech suit to a formal event? That could hide a rocket launcher, right?
Maybe she could hire Magus to hold a tiny rocket launcher of exactly 1 Bulk in her pocket? https://2e.aonprd.com/Feats.aspx?ID=2852
Not sure where the hell you’d store the ammo, though.
(Accidentally posted this in the wrong conversation beforehand.)
I’m amused that in Starfinder the Gladiator theme eventually gets an ability to pass off wearing armor and a couple of small weapons or one big one as “part of the uniform” in all but the strictest of venues.
Like, nobody wants to be the one to tell the mighty Star Scorcher, Lady of the Blood Pits that she can’t bring Hellmouth, her signature great big plasma cannon, to the party. Everyone can see it, but they just… let it go, or maybe even get psyched to see it. Obviously wouldn’t work all the time, like in the situation you described, but I like that it’s a thing. Also it’s for 12th level, when you are a big name, but still.
given the size of the pockets long puffy skirts could hide, you could probably hide a full shortsword/gladius under there. but smaller is better even then, since anything long and inflexible is going to be more likely to effect the shape and folds of the cloth as you move and reveal itself.
https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/womens-tie-pockets
to be honest, the best way to sneak in a weapon would be to hide them in plain sight.. hair and hat pins.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hatpin-peril-terrorized-men-who-couldnt-handle-20th-century-woman-180951219/
few people are going to consider them weapons, especially if you are wearing them in a big hairdo, but you can get them made with wickedly sharp points and fairly large size. and you’d need several to make the looks work..
For the character I had in mind (from a Victorian game a while back), the weapon of choice was a Colt .45 revolver, with a .36 as backup. Not the kind of thing expected from a Victorian noblewoman, but very effective.
This is why quarterstaffs (quarterstaves?) are very handy. Lean on ’em enough and no one suspects that your masked character is a wizard and not someone who was badly injured in their youth. Not that that’s mutually exclusive, of course.
“You wouldn’t deprive an old man of his walking stick, would you?”
Classic. 😀
Plus you get to quote this scene during the fight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OsRePNS4pk
Maybe she could hire Magus to hold a tiny rocket launcher of exactly 1 Bulk in her pocket? https://2e.aonprd.com/Feats.aspx?ID=2852
Not sure where the hell you’d store the ammo, though.
One of my Exalted characters played to that one. He was both an old man and a sorcerer, but the staff he carried was not a walking stick, nor did it have any interesting sorcerous properties. It was however an exquisitely well-balanced orichalcum-clad fighting staff, and of course, “old man” doesn’t really mean much to the Exalted.
I see Elf Princess went with the fashionable ‘catgirl ears’ tiara for this ball. Did Vigilante have anything to do with that?
Anything to catch the eye of the “””man””” of her dreams!
Street Samurai is in for a rude awakening the moment she tries to take a seat anywhere.
You can’t sit in a stand-up dress, and you would not try.
So is the chair.
We solved this problem! It went like this:
Step 1: Buy a pretty blue dress.
Step 2: Buy two Portable Holes.
Step 3: Sew the Portable Holes into the pretty blue dress.
Step 4: Tell everyone you meet that your dress has pockets.
I’ve recently discovered that I hate carrying a purse. It’s just straight up obnoxious to track this extra thing. WHY DONT I HAVE POCKETS!?
Welcome to the Joys of Women’s Clothing(TM)!
Cis-gen male here, but my wife constantly complains about the lack of pockets in her clothing, and hence frequently buys mens’ jeans and sweat pants. My eldest daughter frequently has the same complaints.
I don’t suppose you ever saw the first Dr. Who episode featuring Donna Noble? She spent the whole episode in her wedding dress, and whenever The Doctor asked her if she had keys, money, anything useful, her exasperated response was “POCKETS!”
I have pockets and won’t go without them. Fortunately, I mostly wear reasonable jeans. If you’re of the dress persuasion, open a side seam and insert a pocket of whatever size you like. Does not take much in the way of sewing skills – just keep the stitches small. When you show dogs, you learn to look for pockets or put pockets in everything.
“WHY DONT I HAVE POCKETS!?”
I have two answers, neither one you’ll like:
1 – Because you chose the wrong pants. Pick more wisely next time. I know, it’s a choice between fashion //or// accommodation. It is a really weird thing that clothing designed “for women” don’t have real pockets, and I’ll never understand that concept (I get why they remove the pockets, I don’t get why they don’t also make ‘slightly less flattering versions with real pockets” – so many fems I know would buy them up).
2 – Because you can’t sew. Learn to sew, add you own pockets. Just remember when buying your pants to buy them slightly (//slightly//) baggier in the upper thigh region to accommodate for things being in your pockets once you add the pockets.
My coworker was bitching about her favorite jacket not having pockets the other day, so I said, “let me see it”. In her case the pockets did exist, real ones, with depth! However for some really weird reason they were sewn shut. One minutes work a pair of scissors and gently pulling the threads lose and she has real pockets. I did mention to her to tighten up the stitching on the merge seams though, just in case. She can’t sew either, but her son can, so he’ll take of it for her.
A follow up to 1 – I’ve never understood the mindset about wearing the “wrong gendered” clothes. I’ve worn women’s pants, blouses, and especially jackets when the fit was simply better or I couldn’t find that style or make of clothes in a “mens”. I mean… I understand the logical reasons why someone would not, but I’ve never understood it emotionally. Who cares what someone else has to say about it? It’s one of those things that I’m missing, concern over others opinions – which is both parts blessing and curse.
“I’ve recently discovered that I hate carrying a purse.”
Are you okay with carrying a backpack? I carry a backpack everywhere because I hate putting things in my pockets†. It is sometimes mildly annoying for others, but, as mentioned above, I don’t care what others think so…
† I long ago realized that fashion-wise, I’d be perfectly fine being a woman. I hate pockets (I often sew them shut) and I have four different backpacks for different occasions, preloaded for those occasions. I have my EDC bag†, work bag, gaming bag, and bug-out bag.
.† ‘Every Day Carry’. This bag is smaller than the work and gaming bags and has a lot of the same things those bags have, but as I’m not carrying as many drinks (I’m always thirsty and prefer to have my own drinks available) it doesn’t have to be as large. The bug-out bag is the largest, and actually has nothing the EDC bag has, as it’s presumed if I’m taking BOB I’m also taking the EDC.
Yes, I’m a little bit of a “crazed prepper”. Just a little bit though. I definitely DO NOT have a concrete bunker filled with two years of food and ‘end of the world supplies’. Not at all. (It isn’t a bunker, it’s just a pantry with like one month’s supplies, as it’s hurricane prep. I would love to have the money to have a bunker fully laded, but I’m too poor to make it to that level of prepper.)
I find a big purse useful when I’m out and about, but my jeans also usually have pockets for holding things like phones and wallets temporarily. Said purse can hold also documents, meds, books, AirPods, charging cables, keys, masks, a tinier purse with makeup in it when needed…almost like a small backpack.
I will say it’s easier for phone-sized objects to fall out of the pockets I do have while running than I remember my jean pockets being way back when I was still presenting as a cisgender dude, though. Also very annoying on the days I do decide to wear a dress. Tiny and medium-sized purses are also a pain, too small and easy to lose track of for too little storage space in most applications.
You might enjoy a YouTuber by the name of Jill Bearup… among other things, she has a number of good rants and critiques of clothing (mostly womans) appearing in media. Just don’t get her started on superheroines in wedge heels…
legit paid to have a pocket sewn into my wedding dress when getting alterations!!! couldn’t put it in the skirt though so it went into the side of the bodice, sort of an armpit pocket if you will. BUT I HAD ONE.
last year for my birthday my hubby took me clothes shopping and i found some skirts with HUGE pockets at tj maxx! i also have a few secondhand ones i cut the side seams on and added pockets myself, if you’re interested in learning to sew its a pretty easy thing to start on and if its a two dollar thrift store skirt its not a huge loss if you mess up!
no excuses for womens pants though. theyre the worst.
I think that women’s formalwear with pockets might be more suspicious than a sword-sized lump.
The ring of arming (Magic Item Compendium) is fantastic for this– assuming that you aren’t struck by surprise. If you can spare the standard action for your Sailor Moon transformation sequence, then you can go from ready-to-party to equipped-for-battle in an instant. One high-level fighter in a long-running campaign of ours trusts his hp and Reflex saves enough that he regularly travels in street clothes, only armoring up into enchanted adamantine platemail when the situation demands it like some medieval Tony Stark/Din Djarin hybrid.
Medieval Iron Man is a run I’d read. 😀
That’s basically a 5e Artificer… the armorer sub-class is basically fantasy Iron Man, with power armor, integrated weapons, etc.
Pathfinder calls it the Battle Herald, and it’s an Occultist Archetype.
Sorry meant Battle Host.
An armor with the called property is fine for that too. Can be called from anywhere on the same plane, Saint Seiya-style.
Although with the glamour property, you can even still wear the armor at a social event and look like you’re dressed in finery.
You might need the silent property to avoid it clinking too much, though.
I have to say that it seems clear an important detail was missed by the party and the DM in this. Judging by the story, the party is covered in sewer muck (Drangor especially so) and the priest’s first thing is ‘here put on these fancy clothes for a ball’. As if the entire ballroom isn’t going to smell you coming or notice that Drangor has rotten banana peels in his hair. And priest dude is worried about how many weapons you’re packing? Subtlety is kind of already out the window I think.
I’ll refer you to this one:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/prestidigi-dry-cleaning
“He lived on my floor. He saw us playing in the common room. We were obliged to let him join.”
I would insist that you definitely weren’t obliged, though I can understand that social pressure to not exclude anybody runs high among nerdy circles like ours.
Still, an important lesson to remember, whether That Guy wants to play D&D, MtG, Basketball, or whatever else: It’s okay to say no.
Remember Geek Social Fallacy #1:
https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/
It was undergrad. We were still laboring under some misapprehensions.
Inversely for me, it would have been less the Geek Social Fallacy, and more my own personal ‘code’:
“Try anything once to say you’ve done it, try it twice to see if you like.”
It’s a saying from my Mom, and it was solely meant to apply to food, but I’ve expanded it to almost everything that doesn’t immediately appear stupidly dangerous.
SO for me, I’d have let him into the group twice, once to say we did it, and the second to make sure whether or not we really didn’t like him. Some people are assholes only outside of [activity], some are assholes only when [activity], and some are just assholes all the time.
Since it’s pretty rare I hang with people when I’m not gaming with them, sometimes I game with real losers in real life, but they’re great people at the table. So, reflexively I’d say give everyone a chance, but like… it’s not a law, so do whatever makes your group happy.
As someone who grew up on dungeon crawls and a very mechanical understanding of RPGs, reading stuff like Vampire the Masquerade and Legend of 5 Rings really helped with understanding the importance of upholding social conventions. Like how wearing armor in Legend of 5 Rings means you are either getting ready for war or insinuating that the Lord of the land you are in are doing a bad job of protecting it. Either way, it is a grave insult at best and a declaration of war at worst.
Because in D&D one can easily get into a mindset that one have to have ones gear on them all the time, no matter the situations. See for example how much work some fighters will put into being allowed to never remove their armor, even for bathing or sleeping. But from a in-universe and realistic perspective, this is absolutely insane. And should be treated as such, but this can be hard for some people to understand. I also think it is interesting to see peoples reaction to stuff like this. Because for some people (Including myself to a degree) having to part with ones armor and weapons for even a moment is the most terrifying thing in the world. While others gleefully welcome getting to dress up and hide knives and other small weapons in their outfit.
For myself, my favorite example of how I used social expectations in one of my games was a game set in a modern fantasy setting, inspired by Dimension 20s Fantasy High. Guns existed in this world, and were pretty powerful. The only nerf I made to them, was the fact that they were considered to be a loser weapon for people who could´nt get good. And my players jumped on that immediately. Whenever an enemy armed with a gun appeared they would all start mocking him as a loser. The moment they saw a bad guy had armed his minions with guns was the moment they lost all respect for him. It was glorious.
The same thinking goes for casters.
“Pass me the shampoo, would ya? Oh this? It’s my waterproof component pouch. I’m a never-nude.”
TBF, I believe that a major milestone of a wizards lifecycle is reaching the point where a mixture between prestidigitation, food summoning magic items and Project Image means you never have to go outside or shower again. Especially in something like Pathfinder, where a ring of sustenance is a pretty cheap item meaning you never have to eat again.
Of course this only reinforce the fact that most wizards who survive to high levels should by all accounts be terrifying alien in the way they act.
All that said some of the most emotional moments when playing cleric have been when someone took my diamonds away from me. It´s like someone yanking away your security blanket.
“See for example how much work some fighters will put into being allowed to never remove their armor, even for bathing or sleeping.”
This the Way.
You gotta wonder if those Mandalorians have some sort of cleaning systems in their armor… or can you smell a Manda religious extremist a mile away?
I think a lot of the reluctance to part with weapon and armor is a trained response.
There’s far far too many instances of gms and adventurers only using those situations as an excuse for attacking the PC’s while they’d have a though time defending themselves.
Honestly, the odds of someone trying to kill the PC’s at a fancy party where they can’t bring weapons and armor are significantly bigger pr. day than the odds of the same happening to a soldier in an active warzone IRL.
(soldiers don’t actually engage in combat most days, but for dnd’ish fantasy games the number of attacks are generally more than half)
This almost inevitability also serve to defang the supposed social consequences, since the deadly threat of someone trying to stab you with a sword is both a) worse and b) it’s hard to sell the “you are crazy” from when the PC’s have had cause to use said weapons.
I think this behavior is very a kind to the large number of characters with no family or friends, which is likewise born from GM’s that couldn’t come up with a better use for those than kidnapping/threatening/outright killing them.
The cure is also much the same, signal that going those sort of places and events without weaponry is actually safe – and then run a whole lot of scenario’s *where that’s true*.
Finally, and crucially, once the players actually start to loosen up a bit and trust that it’s safe, resist the urge to spring an exception on them it’ll just undo all your hard work and prove to them that they where right not to trust it.
I think another reason is that in a game like D&D, your gear can often become a big part of who your character are. As it can drastically influence how your character plays, or simply because you have had it for some big or iconic moments. So for some parting with gear can be seen as parting with an important aspect of your character.
I have a saying I made up based on my experiences with this, that some players prefer to loose their character to losing their gear. Because if their character dies, then they get to make a new one. Which can be a lot of fun. But if they lose some of their gear, then their character is worse off than before, and depending on what it was might have to be played very differently
But I agree that trust is important. That and building precedents.
Are those gun barrels in her hair? Wouldn’t she need the rest of the gun for those to have any use?
I actually hadn’t noticed those! XD
All I said in the script was “bristling with very-obvious weaponry.”
Why bother concealing weapons? Knives, forks, cutlery, glasses. With a little imagination many things can be a weapon. Once i rolled well enough as to rip the spine out of a guy with a lettuce leaf 😀
Were you RPing Riddick at the time?
Wish i would, Riddick is great 😀
On Godbound a god of murder can, literally. You can kill with a tea cup china plate of silent death 😀
I’ve been tempted to make a build that focus’ on improvised weapons in Pathfinder 1E. There is just something inherently hilarious about beating someone to death with a plate/chair/Cheesewheel. For added hilarity, play an actual Paladin so when you use your celestial spirit to inhabit the weapon and smite an enemy….
Me too, dude. I always thought it would be a nice change of pace to get rewarded for using the environment in D&D rather than punished.
in these kinds of (story)hostage situations i think the protocol is no negotiation with THAT(guy) terrorists.
some1 who doesn’t understand that the game is meant for more then one person to have fun, should be talked to once to explain the rules (of fair conducts), then if no positive change of attitude be firmly shown the door and wished for a happy solo adventure upon him.
As i mentioned before, i used to teach D&D in youth centers. and one of the main things i had to explain to eager young players is that there is more then one person who actually paid to (learn how to )play and they can’t hog all the time and GM attention (and decisions of what everyone should do) to themselves.
It’s harder to do when you’re talking about peer groups. If you’re an adult in charge of kids, you’ve got some authority within the social frame. If it’s the dude in the dorm room next to you, it’s a lot harder to say something. Especially when you’re a geek lacking in social graces in the first place.
And all this could have been avoided with a nice pair of Mantis Blades. Sure she might go cyberpsycho later like in that early teaser trailer but integrated concealed weapons are soooo useful.
I wonder how HAM you could go as a full-on Inspector Gadget street samurai? Weapons friggin’ everywhere!
Last minute post!
Just because I do love Street Sam’s general difficulties of fitting into the normal handbook-world. Really a fan of how she’s nominally improved at blending in to faux-medieval life, while still remaining clueless as ever in many aspects.
Also, really nice Mall Ninja Chic design. I’m caught between liking it ironically and unronically…
> Also, really nice Mall Ninja Chic design. I’m caught between liking it ironically and unronically…
That may be the best compliment on the art style I’ve seen. I’ll make sure Laurel sees it. XD