The Handbook of Heroes

Lumberjack Explosion
Longtime wingman to Fighter, the black unicorn known as Lumberjack Explosion boasts the manliest name in Handbook-World. Beast of burden, stalwart companion, and party mascot, Lumberjack Explosion is truly the 5th member of the Heroes’ party. It should be noted that he is in no way related to the mysterious masked vigilante Horsepower.

Skitters
Wizard’s oldest companion, Skitters is a centuries-old spider and professional familiar. She is also unfortunately squishable.

Scabby
A holdover from Wizard’s goth phase, the undead rat called Scabby shares familiar duties with Skitters. As adorable as he is trigger happy, the decomposing rodent spends most of his time napping in Wizard’s component pouch.

Mr. Stabby
For quite some time, we could only wonder whether Mr. Stabby was a sentient sword or a mere extension of Fighter’s deranged psyche. The extent of the black bastard sword’s sentience (and vocabulary) have since been revealed.

Goldie
Sentient short sword and natural blonde, Goldie was claimed by the Heroes after they beat the Anti-Party in competitive dungeon delving. A creature of passion, Goldie’s interests lie primarily with that hot hunk of steel Mr. Stabby.

Commoner
All his life, Commoner has been a little different from his rusticated fellows. With an epicurean’s palate and a nose for quality, Commoner has made it his life’s work to master the culinary arts. Of course, that’s a tall order when you’ve got peasant’s wages to buy ingredients and equipment. When the doughty cook spied a certain mithral frying pan, he forsook his old life and cast his lot with the heroes. Now the company larder is stocked with all manner of exotic monster parts, and Commoner has access to cookware worth more than the family farm. If his forthcoming Cookbook/Bestiary sells well, he may even afford that restaurant he’s always dreamed of.

Warrior
By far the youngest member of the Heroes’ company, Warrior recently celebrated his first birthday. He sprang into existence when Fighter drew a Knight from the Deck of Too Many Things, and has faithfully served his master ever since. Being a creature of chance and chaos, things seem to go awry whenever Warrior is near. Thief has yet to realize it, but Warrior’s aura of unluck has cost her more than a few hit points during the campaign.

Drow Priestess
Adopted into the Heroes’ party as a special project, Drow Priestess has somehow fooled the world into believing that she’s a reformed villain and model citizen. Her fellow peons Commoner and Warrior know better.

A mirror match for the Heroes, the Anti-Party are experts in the art of one-upmanship.

Paladin
After a brief alliance with the Heroes, Paladin went on to found the Anti-Party. An aasimar of exceptional character and the highest moral fortitude, the heroic Paladin is the natural enemy of Fighter.

Sorcerer
Nothing irks a Wizard more than a smooth-talking sorcerer. With his maxed-out Charisma score and flashy magic, the half-elven Sorcerer is an even match for the Heroes’ resident arcane caster. Fun fact: given his fiendish bloodline, he is also a distant cousin to Thief.

Barbarian
Like her counterpart Thief, Barbarian enjoys filling out the “point man” position in her party. Of course, Barbarian’s tools of choice are axe and brawn rather than daggers and finesse. As you might expect, the big woman comes fully equipped with anger management issues.

Oracle
You work hard, study your whole life, and finally pick up your first level orisons. Then in waltzes this nearsighted upstart to complete novice training in a week. Such is the relationship between Oracle and Cleric.

Snowflake
Connected to Paladin through a mystical bond, this gorgeous mare isn’t much of a warhorse. She makes up for it by being an excellent show pony and consummate mean girl.

The ladies of Team Bounty Hunter have been after the Heroes ever since that incident with the evil twins. One day they will surely bring their murderhoboing quarry to justice!

Inquisitor
The leader of Team Bounty Hunter, Inquisitor is a no-nonsense sort of drow. Highly driven and extremely mission-focused, Inquisitor is all about enforcing the gods’ justice with extreme prejudice.

Magus
Sword in one hand and battle magic in the other, Magus is a terrifying melee combatant. Or at least, she would be if her attention span were greater than a goldfish’s. Naive and trusting, the catfolk gish is as easily tricked as she is distracted.

Ranger
Have you ever met an adventurer uncomfortable speaking in character? Suffice it to say that the half-orc Ranger is the strong silent type.

Antipaladin
It isn’t easy being evil. Antipaladin is the kind of guy that struggles with his moral compass, finding little point in pointless evil. As a fire genasi, Antipaladin has a fiery temper to match his fiendish masters. Alongside his faithful devil hound Patches the Unkicked, he serves as the front liner for the Evil Party, seeking to prove to the world (and himself) that he is truly evil enough to hang with the cool kids.

Necromancer
A tragic figure with a sob-story past, Necromancer wanted nothing more than to find acceptance in an adventuring group. It didn’t work out very well. A woman scorned, Necromancer now seeks vengeance against her would-be beau, Paladin. With a small army of orphans raised from Handbook-World’s ready supply of burnt orphanages, Necromancer has the tools and the talent to exact her revenge.

Witch
Can’t a girl debuff her enemies in peace? Not if the meddling do-gooders of Handbook-World have anything to say about it! Faced with superstitious peasants and overzealous clergy, it’s likely that Witch formed The Evil Party as a means of self-preservation. Of course, it’s equally possible that she decided to assemble her merry band of blackguards for the lols. With a penchant for magical machinations, a talent for poisonous potions, and a loyal hedgehog familiar named Brutus, Witch represents that most dangerous form of evil: Chaotic. Succubus
Can true love blossom on the battlefield? Not if Succubus has anything to say about it. This crimson-skinned demonette seems to have some sort of vendetta against Thief, and will stop at nothing to come between everyone’s favorite tiefling and her wizardly beau. When she’s not busy ruining relationships, she can be found repping the cause of monstrous PCs everywhere.

Who says dragons can’t be heroes too? This pack of adventurous wyrmlings might not rank very highly in terms of age category, but they make up for it with energy, enthusiasm, and anime references.

Jeremy
Somehow, this silver dragon is Fighter’s little brother. Perhaps that explains why Fighter immediately killed him. Risen once again as a dracolich, Jeremy now leads his own band of fire-breathing murderhobos.

Blaze Redscale
Blaze is the red one. He dual wields katanas, but seems to have poor spatial awareness despite being a legendary swordmaster who defeated like, literally a thousand ninjas in his backstory. He will drink all of your Mountain Doom. Uchichi Draguto
Uchichi is the green one. His most prized possession is his Headband of Awesomeness, which allows him to perform even the most advanced jutsu with ease. Possessing multiple levels in the weeb prestige class, Uchichi earned his powers by trying his absolute hardest to make the best character name ever.

The various unaffiliated adventurers and recurring NPCs of Handbook-World round out our cast of characters.

Bard
With his pageboy haircut and extremely fashionable hose, the dorky Bard has been Fighter’s whipping boy since the early days of the comic. Poet, minstrel, and artiste, Bard can most often be found providing ambiance for beefier heroes.

Vigilante
The dashing and mysterious hero known as Horsepower makes it his business to foil Fighter’s chaotic-stupid schemes. Whenever murderhobosim rears its ugly head, Horsepower rears right back! It should be noted that this character is in no way related to the mild-mannered unicorn Lumberjack Explosion.

Alchemist
When mad science meets magic, you wind up with Alchemist. This potion-guzzling weirdo is big into body modification. So is his tumor familiar Abercrombie.

Summoner
The sleazy little ball of labido known as Summoner can usually be found with a beautiful woman on his arm. That’s because his voluptuous eidolon Rouge doubles as his girlfriend. Rouge also happens to be a cartoonishly proportioned clone of Thief. (Thief is decidedly unhappy with the homage.)

Druid
Much like nature itself, Druid fluctuates between gentle nurturer and fearsome destroyer. When she’s not befriending woodland creatures and healing wounded bears, this wood elf can most often be found defending the forest against less environmentally minded adventurers.

Gunslinger
Known throughout Handbook-World as a stone cold killer, Gunslinger drifts from town to town, his only companion the shooting iron at his hip. In reality, this unfortunate halfling is fantastically lonely. He now wanders the world seeking everywhere for a party willing to accept him.

Monk
A gnome of few words, Monk seeks enlightenment through stillness of mind, wholeness of body, and kicking your ass. He has also changed colors slightly since his first appearance.

Quest Giver
A human of advanced years, this old greybeard is a figure shrouded in mystery. Skulking about inns and misty ruins, he always seems to know more than he lets on. Is he a disguised god? An agent of destiny? A blatant Gandalf ripoff? Who knows what secrets lurk beneath that pointy hat?

Acolyte and Priest
Not all servants of the gods wield fantastical magical powers. Some of them just put in the 9-5 at the local temple, dishing out a few heals before punching out for the day. If it’s a good day at the office, they don’t even have to deal with adventurers.

Barmaid
Someone has to pour drinks and mop up after the nightly brawl. That dubious honor goes to Barmaid. This young human woman can usually be found working the dinner shift at The King’s Arms, the Heroes’ favorite tavern.

Arcane Archer
It’s not easy combining spellcraft with ranged weaponry, but Arcane Archer manages the trick. A kitsune with a love for complicated attacks (and a love for Druid), Arcane Archer seems to have an arrow for every occasion.

Aristocrat
We were formally introduced to Aristocrat and her NPC fellows in “Watch The Horses.” A survivor of the Heart Grove Massacre, Aristocrat is actually Wizard’s younger sister. In the guise of the humble Expert, the learned Aristocrat spent years spying upon Wizard before attempting to claim the Ivy Throne for herself. Thanks to Wizard’s abdication, she now reigns as regent of her kingdom.

Elf Princess
A just and noble ruler, Elf Princess strives to maintain the dignity of her office. Unfortunately, the Heroes don’t make that job any easier. Neither does Elf Princess’s abysmal Perception score. Infatuated with the masked hero known as Horsepower, this elven noblewoman suspects nothing of her crush’s equine heritage.

Kineticist
There’s a fine line between homage and ripoff, and Kineticist might just fall on the wrong side. Her mastery of elemental energy is matched only by her irritation at the constant accusations of unoriginality.

Pugilist
A kobold who packs a punch, Pug earned her class levels by rising above the cowardly trap-building tactics of her tribe. She sometimes struggles to fit into a world that is both too big and too human for her, but if anyone is capable of cutting Handbook-World down to size, it’s Pug.

Street Samurai
Street Samurai arrived in Handbook-World courtesy of a time portal, and she’s been looking for a way back ever since. In the meantime she struggles to fit her sci-fi lifestyle into a fantasy kind of world.

BBEG
Nemesis to heroes everywhere, BBEG (Beebs for short) is your standard-issue evil overlord. He’s got a goblin army, a nasty disposition, and the worst help money can buy.

Demon Queen
A powerful fiend from the vicinity of the Demon Web Pits, Demon Queen has been slowly spreading her evil throughout Handbook-World for untold eons. She’s Sorcerer’s grandma, Antipaladin’s boss, and (if the whole eye situation is anything to go by) distantly related to Thief.

Miss Gestalt
As BBEG’s evil lieutenant, Miss Gestalt takes her duties in middle management very seriously. The result of a Patreon poll that ended in a 50/50 split, Miss Gestalt is the epitome of monstrous angst: a half-vampire half-werewolf.