Hot Sword on Sword Action
Since we first met Mr. Stabby way back in Bastard Sword, it’s been an open question whether or not he was truly an intelligent item. Now we know. Dude is dumb as a box of rocks. Happily, Goldie there is all about the looks.
What I really love about this kind of encounter is the unexpected turn due to the unexpected motivation. Thief thought she managed to win a nice little upgrade to her weapons slot, but instead gets to play pander to cutlery. While most intelligent items are secretly evil or happen to despise [insert random race/class here], the story now goes in a new and surprising direction. I know it sounds basic when I lay it out like that, but this kind of thing is applicable to any number of situations. Examples:
- The evil hag would normally ambush the party and try to kill them. What if she is willing to parlay with the sorcerer because his magical blood will make exceptionally powerful blood gems? Is this a potential new ally?
- Lost and wandering in the sewers, the party encounter a garbage swilling otyugh. This one happens to be an epicurean, and will show the party through his sewers in exchange for some fine dining. Did anyone think to take Craft (cooking)?
- A monster followed the heroes up from the dungeon, and managed to kill an innocent girl before they could track it down. In a fit of remorse, the party volunteer to fund a new city wall and watchtowers. One of the city councilmen hates adventurers though, and takes the opportunity to propose a tax on the party’s loot. Can they carry the vote?
All you’ve got to do is take the average encounter and look at it a little sideways. Chances are you’ll wind up with a more interesting situation. I mean, what kind of table wouldn’t want to watch Thief pickpocket Mr. Stabby in the name of a midnight tryst? I know I’d be willing to laugh at Thief’s expense.
What about you guys? Have you ever run across an NPC who turned out to have a weird and unexpected motivation? What was it?
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Man I LOVE dumb “intelligent” things. I love them so much that I have a game setting where the elf equivalent race (though really they’re more wood half-elemental plant people but that’s neither here nor there) have the ability to communicate with plants. But plants aren’t smart. They mostly ask for water or better soil or for you to get out of their light. If you ask them a question…. well it depends what you’re asking. If you ask a blade of grass if someone passed by recently they might only have noticed if they were stepped on or nearly so and hey while you’re here can you give me some water? If you ask a tree, well you’ll be standing there for two minutes before they respond and they’ll either have no idea what with human time frames being lightning quick to their lengthy perspective or tell you that yes a lot of humans have been past over the years.
The best part? The race did not have any way to turn this ability “off”. (I wasn’t a horrible torture GM so I only had “their” plants frequently bother them for sustenance and not every blade of grass and shrub in sight. Made sense to me, most plants wouldn’t actually *try* to talk to you. They’re not smart enough to figure out on their own they might be able to get anything out of it. Hehehe.)
If Jack Handey has taught me anything, it’s that annoying trees get the ax:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/deep-thoughts-trees/n10013
I always did wonder about intelligent items, and how they would react to one another if ever brought near each other… Are they capable of communicating with one another?
Then I had an idea for a one off character: An aimless traveler who finds company in his collection of intelligent items. One could only imagine what kind of shenanigans goes on between so many of them.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had the idea, but I always wanted to try a short campaign or a one-off where the PCs were the intelligent magic items. They’d simply dominate their bearers and go about the game as normal. Occasionally they’d resist a “hold person” due to not being people or forget how to eat properly or some such, and then the NPCs would suspect. Shenanigans to follow.
That’d give you a great excuse to drop a class/race setup when you’re bored with it and the game could be a lot more lethal and yet death a lot smaller of an issue.
You could do a lot of fun stuff with the concept. Imagine doing a centuries-long campaign like in “The Tale of the Demigods.”
http://imgur.com/a/pnWYj#9jPhO2M
It would be a similar concept with long-term goals and ambitions, but instead of being gods you’re these intelligent items slowly pushing out your agenda via the next group of schlubs to pick you up. You could be like:
Crown: “Wait a minute…he had a bastard son? I thought we wiped out that line of succession three hundred years ago! Sigh. Guess it’s time to take out the mad king again.”
Mace: “Did he bring back the cult of the forsworn?”
Crown: “Just a sec. Let me check my guy’s memories. Ugh. Yeah he did. And they’re using dwarves as quarry slaves this time.”
Dwarven Waraxe: “My people are slaves in this century? Not on my watch.”
Also great is that there’s the potential to just take over the bodies of your most effective antagonists.
In H.L. Oldie’s novel The Way of the Sword the weapons was so intelligent, that they didn’t consider humans intelligent, but rather their tools to help them move around and swing. Killing a human was considered by them like: “You are asshole! you broke a tool. Do you know how long is it takes to grow another one?” Killing another weapon for them was unspeakable crime.
Literally a rpg about playing sentient weapons called Wield: http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/131729/Wield
So you’re telling me that I wrote a comic about a thing, and now that thing retroactively exists in the real world? Do I…do I have a super power?
OK. New plan. Friday’s comic will be a departure for HoH. We’re going to move away from the usual fantasy stuff, focusing instead on a nerdy writer who finds $100M mysteriously deposited in his checking account.
For helping you realize your phenomenal cosmic powers, I’ll only ask for a modest finder’s fee of 5%!
(Sorry for the doublepost…)
Sure. 5% of all profits to Quasi! This is amazing. It’s like Death Note, but with 1000% less angst!
For helping you realize your phenomenal cosmic powers, I’ll only ask for a modest finder’s fee of 5%!
I think an intelligent item player character would pair best with a psionic class, this would allow you to dispense with the kludge of having to dominate a weilder in order to use class abilities.
Could a psionic character read the “mind” of an intelligent item?
…
Now I’ve made myself genuinely curious.
I was thinking more along the lines of the sword itself is a psion.
It’s a strong independent weapon that doesn’t need a wielder because it can manifest Astral Construct. Plus none of its abilities have somatic components anyway.
Hmmm… I don’t think it’s the weapon that’s generating the astral construct. I suspect the gemstone in the pommel:
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/128/139/276.png
Aw, lil baby daggers.
They inflict 1d4 piercing/adorable damage.
Will they get any of their ‘parents’ enhancements?
There’s a tiefling style “weird traits” table. They’ll have to roll.
I can just hear them going “Bud bud bud.” Then Mr Stabby corrects them “No kids, it’s blood.”