Orphanages
Collateral damage is an unfortunate side effect of adventuring. Anyone who’s ever thrown a Molotov in a bar fight or sundered a wooden beam in a mine knows how things can go suddenly, catastrophically awry. Most of the time this is the GM’s fault. He will arbitrarily decide to enforce that oft-ignored “sets fire to combustibles” line in the fireball spell or start getting creative with the kinds of items that conduct electricity. As a player, this is not your fault. That duplicitous jerkface behind the screen has decided to flex his narrative muscle, and you can only gesture with impotent rage towards the rule book as you interweave expletives with phrases like “well in the real world” and “structural integrity.”
If on the other hand you’re anywhere near an orphanage, then that shit’s your own fault. Orphanages are the rattlesnakes of the gaming world. You can practically hear the telltale sound as the GM sets the scene.
“As you settle into Imminent Violence Inn, you notice a pack of ragged children watching you from across the street…”
*rattle rattle*
“There’s a ramshackle structure behind them topped with a very dry looking thatched roof…”
*Rattle Rattle Rattle*
“Night is drawing on, but you feel confident that the creatures which hunt you won’t attack here. Not in town. At long last you’re safe. Meanwhile, the children in the yard of St. Berthude’s Home For Combustible Orphans look on with weary resignation….”
*RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE*
Sorry guys. I don’t care what system you’re playing. No amount of Piety Points can make up for the soul-crushing expression on little Suzy’s face when she learns that she “gets to go camping” for the fourth time this month. The lesson here is simple: if a wild orphanage appears, turn and walk the other way. Your alignment will thank you.
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This has never been a problem for me. Mostly because parties I’ve been part of tend to respond to orphans by declaring they’re ours now and dragging them along with us. Mainly so we have a better argument for why the GM really should give us that airship we’ve been asking for. The kiddos need somewhere to be while we’re off scavenging beholder organs.
Orphanages are just the stereotypical example. The semiotic BS that’s really at play here is “pathetic defenseless thing will be harmed by your actions.” It could be leshys, puppies, pixies, or pokemon, but if it’s got big eyes and a quivering lip it’s all the same. It’s an effective tactic, but holy crap is it cheap.
“A pack of orphans run past carrying a body” became a running gag once when our party accidentally destroyed an orphanage, took the kids and turned them into a street gang so they could take care of themselves, and then someone got the bright idea to teach the kids to hide bodies….
I have an educated guess, but I’d like to test my “fireball and bad aim” hypothesis: How did your group accidentally destroy the orphanage?
Well, it was Exalted, and the orphanage didn’t exactly burn. I think someone got thrown through its support beams, then the whole thing collapsed and slid into a river. Our ST was a jerk who hated having to keep track of companions and followers and would kill them off as fast as possible, so the player who had two dots of followers claimed the orphans to replace the lost starting points. The ST was oddly reluctant to kill the orphans off.
Sounds like a 1-dot Compassion sort of ST. I’m guessing he had an Intimacy for orphans though.
Any of the kiddies get the chance to exalt?
I suppose has a GM I have used big eyed ‘innocents’ has a way to motivate heroism before but the real fun was having the party guard a taco chef while being bothered by a bard with a collection of orphans. Said Bard was being paid by the local Mafia to remove the party and these former orphans were all to willing to help their ‘father’ make ends meet for their little brothers, sisters and its.
You monster! How could you make the party choose between adorable orphans and delicious tacos?
Fighter would turn the adorable orphans into delicious tacos. Noms.
Well we know he’s got a loose interpretation of cannibalism: https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-opportunists-diet
Well, you can always make a game about it:
http://www.lfg.co/orphans-ashes/
No I can’t. The LFG guys already did that. Are you trying to get me sued? 😛
I sent a Cloudkill into a stone building full of badguys once.
Turns out they had a bunch of kidnapped children from the village in the basement. Cloudkill sinks…
A quick illusion covered the basement door, and the rest of the party was none the wiser.
Gotta watch that collateral damage, lol.