Misspelling
You guys remember the time a T-Rex tried to eat my party’s treasure? Well part of that particular hoard was a jewel-encrusted longsword. The party had grabbed it from the corpse of a Planet of the Apes style interdimensional gorilla after they’d bribed the local volcano god to burn down his fort and free the human prisoners. That’s not the interesting part though. The interesting part had to do with penmanship.
I like to keep my magical items written down on index cards. Usually I instruct my players to jot down a brief item description and a room number from the megadungeon complex (e.g. “+1 breastplate, Room #203”). That way we can easily reference where the item in question came from if we’ve got after-the-fact rules questions. Unfortunately, no one had bothered to write down “Lord Darrulm’s sword” on that particular card. Instead, as we shuffled through the big stack o’ loot, oohing and ahhing over the bottles of rare wine and silver ingots and other pirate booty, we came across this oddity: “tlkeen longsword.”
The game ground to a halt.
Where did this strange thing come from? Where had we picked it up? It was important enough to warrant its own card, so surely it must be an item of significance. The group passed the card around, looked through our notes for an explanation, and tried desperately to remember what the hell a ‘tlkeen’ was. I told my players to price out the rest of the haul and move on to a nice session of pencils and paychecks while I dug through my binder, trying to track the origins of this bizarre weapon. MFW.
It wasn’t until the last of my pals was heading home that I made my breakthrough. I ran out of the house as he was pulling away, shoes and wintry conditions be damned. I made the international sign for “roll down your window” like a crazy person.
“It was a plus symbol!”
Dude looked at me like I’d been hit with the “does nothing but babble incoherently” result on confusion.
“The tlkeen longsword! It wasn’t a ‘t’ at all. It was a +1 keen longsword!”
He laughed. I laughed. My toes lost feeling. As a group, we collectively resolved to be more careful of our penmanship in the future.
How about the rest of you guys? Have you ever had any trouble with inventory management in your groups? Any rings of animal influence making dire boar piglets rich in your games? Let’s hear your clerical errors down in the comments!
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The first party I was in (I joined a year into the campaign, along with two other new players) had our Cleric player keep a fairly exhaustive loot list on a piece of notebook paper. That worked great until the player left the group (along with two other players – no hard feelings, just life things) and we realized (along with our new set of recruits) that all of the party’s wands (including Cure Light Wounds) were no longer available. That proved to be complicating. At least we always tallied money individually, so everyone knew how much they had on hand.
On a related note, I have, for as long as I’ve been in a group, been the party chronicler. I actually write down all of the major (or at least amusing) events that happen every session. While computer technology makes this far less arduous than it might be, I still have to make sure to go over each session’s notes afterwards to weed out typos, make sure everything makes sense and add in those memorable things that weren’t directly mentioned (tends to happen in the heat of battle). Other members of the party sometimes read the chronicle, as I’m sometimes a bit witty in my writing style, or come up with weird nicknames for unnamed foes, such as the infamous Top-of-Stairs Guy. An actual quote from a recent session:
“The Lamia’s stack of dagger attacks gives Hippocrates 1 WIS damage and also death.”
I’ve also once or twice converted a session or two’s worth of events into a proper short story for everyone’s amusement. It’s a fun way to memorialize our epic deeds.
I’ve got several hundred thousand words of session summaries built up from my megadungeon. I like to think it’s a service to the players who have to miss so that they can keep up with the play-by-play of dungeon delving, but it’s probably more effort than it’s worth. I’ve built the habit in any case, and I don’t plan on changing any time soon.
Here’s the copy+paste of the latest from my megadungeon:
SESSION SUMMARY 1/5/18 — 12 Gozran 4712
“Disappointing Triceratops”
You made your way back from the entrance to Level 14, into the Archorium, and through an as-yet unexplored onyx archway. By the time you got to your destination, you realized that the shell game had hit again. The party was down to Kalten, Enarme, Pinot, and Gimlet. Despite the reduced manpower, you decided to press on. If some awful ritual was indeed nearing completion, you could not dally.
Thus it was that you arrived in a previously undiscovered prison facility, now deserted. You grabbed a big ring o’ keys from the wall and began to explore. There were some mysterious carvings on the wall, and Gimlet reasoned that they were some kind of cipher. To what you had no idea.
It was Kalten, however, and his newly discovered Ring of Echoes, that picked up on the secret doorway. A low grinding sound, as of gravel shifting in a subterranean passage, sounded from nearby. In one of the cells, hidden beneath a filthy pallet, there was a trap door. Once your prised it up, you discovered a low passage, rudely carved and cramped for the medium-sized characters. Was this, perhaps, where the slave rebellion got its start? There was no sign of movement however. Not until Enarme, at the head of the party, arrived at a small room. There were two onyx archways ahead. And then one of the walls attacked.
It was an impossibility: an undead earth elemental. The poor bastard must have been one of the prisoners, drained of its essence beyond endurance, all to make the water that allows you to traverse the onyx archways. The poor thing seemed mindless, failed to detect as evil, and drained your vitality in a vampiric manner. It took one whole hell of a lot of beating to put down.
Earthwight: 6,400
Drained of levels, beaten savagely, but in no mood to take a nap, the party decided once more to continue its travels. The room’s left hand archway lead back to the archorium. Weirdly, you emerged from one of that chamber’s four central archways. When you tried to go back, you merely came out another of the central archways. Looks like this is a one-way trip.
You retraced your steps to the prison, the passage, and the chamber of the earthwight, this time taking the right hand archway. It lead to a large chamber full of sleeping pallets. There were voices raised in unholy chanting emanating from the darkness. You prowled around, decided that you needed to disrupt whatever xorn-worship was taking place, and hurried back through the archway to plan your attack.
Buffs were buffed. Plans were hatched. Things did not go well.
Upon returning to the chamber, you found that one of the medusa acolytes had returned to within darkvision range of the portal. She was rifling through a bedroll, searching for some kind of profane sacrament. She spotted you. You rushed to engage. You failed to fell the creature. Kalten threw up a silence spell, but the medusa sprinted through the pitch black chamber anyway, hoping to warn her sisters.
“Fuck it. Plan is happening.”
Pinot’s artifact, the Ring of Jammisan, expanded off of her finger. Summoning up the most feasome beast she could imagine, Pinot’s now gate-sized ring belched forth a celestial triceratops. It snorted. It charged. It ran straight for the fleeing medusa… Then rolled a 1 on its save vs petrification.
There was now a statue of a triceratops in the Stone Sisterhood’s sleeping quarters. The acolyte sped on unmolested. More medusas issued forth from a side chamber. Enarme felled one in a mighty stroke, but it was the only piece of luck you had. Gimlet was nearly dead. Some kind of powerful caster was busy dispelling your smoke clouds and blade barriers. And by the time Enarme rolled a natural 1 on his Fort save (“Saving finale!” said Pinot.) and then a natural 2 on the reroll, it was time to get out of there.
One Slain Blackguard: 4,800
It was a long and frustrating combat. The group’s resources had been spent. Enarme was a rock. It was time to reconsider your options.
At least you drew in a powerful caster and disrupted some kind of religious observance. How long can that last though? How long before the ancient entity known as Xaqahandra rises from her eternal sleep? Will our heroes devise a clever anti-medusa strategy? Will your allies in the rebellion come to your aid? Will your GM remember to only give medusas cover instead of total cover when you avert your gaze? The answers to all these questions and more are sure to come on the next exciting episode of Dragon’s Delve!
TOTAL XP: 11,200
PLAYERS PRESENT: J–, M–, X’ch’li, M–
OTHER NOTES:
— The wedding of Whedon Rasholt and Silletta Edarus is set for the last Starday of the month: the 22nd of Gozran
— The town council meats on the first Oathday of each month, meaning that the special election will take place on the 4th of Desnus.
— Town council modifier tally: You successfully rebuilt the Lawford barn after the ghoul outbreak (+2), successfully got Whedon Rasholt’s thanks by getting Silletta to agree to wear your dress (+4), and failed to sway hearts and minds at Craddock’s funeral (back down to +2), healing Fellicker Grub pro bono (back up to +4).
I was about to correct medusas to medusae, but according to Google either is acceptable.
Seriously though, I love the write up – it’s funny and interesting, but still concise and without too much recording of dice rolls. I always enough reading these things.
Unfortunately the player who recorded our sessions in my group left a little while ago due to creative differences with the GM. They were occasionally wildly inaccurate, but it was a good way to keep track of what was going on and was particularly useful when I started as I joined an ongoing campaign so I could get some background.
Cheers! I enjoy doing ’em.
I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a PC do a proper in-character journal, but I do enjoy the occasional letter home or written petition to some absentee benefactor. The “wildly inaccurate” parts are my favorite, especially when they show how the character subjectively perceived events.
“Like an idiot, the paladin unnecessarily rushed into the burning building, not waiting for your humble servant to cast his protective magics. Happily, the gods love an idiot, and etc. etc.”
Well, here’s an excerpt from one of our recent sessions (edited for clarity). While yours is more of an after-the-fact tale, mine is pretty much cleaned-up stream-of-consciousness reporting.
Session 19:
Finding nothing in the house, the party advances to the barn (the Firepelt Cougar is hanging around it). Bastonne kicks the door and finds it is barred. He begins pounding on the door to break it down. (At one point, he rolls a 1 – turns out he can’t hit the narrow side of a barn.)
Bellona starts to scout around the side of the barn but returns once she realizes Bastonne is serious about punching down the door and casts Mirror Image (6 images!) in preparation for the breach. Shelelu stays towards the back to guard Ranalf (who is still blind from earlier).
Bastonne breaks open the door and finds a bunch of Ogrekin on elevated catwalks. One of them has a crossbow and deals 2 damage to the Señor. Hippocrates takes a shot (with his bow) before everyone immediately backs up and stays outside, out of the enemies’ line of fire. The party switches to ranged weapons to open fire when the enemy advances.
The enemies don’t move. Crud.
After a round of planning, the party moves in. Bellona draws fire from the Ogrekin’s readied actions (she rolls 35 on Snake Style, but a nat 20 attack hits a Mirror Image regardless) so Xiulan can get line of sight to hit one row of enemies with Create Pit (no spikes, though). One guy falls in the pit while another leaps epically off the catwalk only to land on his face one floor lower. Roland moves in, firing. Bastonne does so as well, but misses (rolled a 1). Hippocrates shoots a bit better, but gets hit.
The enemies pull ropes to open a giant door at the back of the barn that probably has something nice and fluffy inside.
Roland gets a kill. Xiulan casts another Create Pit and gets the other set of enemies.
Bellona moves in (with Chill Touch and her greatsword) to take on the remaining foes on one of the catwalks. A Huge spider comes out of the internal door, cutting Bellona off from the outside and the rest of the party. Shelelu finally opens fire and crits the spider, which is good because Hippocrates is downed by it (saves against the poison, though, and stabilizes).
Xiulan opens fire. With a Fireball. Of fire. The Giant Spider makes its Reflex save. Two Ogrekin goons do not, taking 25 damage each. Ranalf tries to use Shadow Trap but can’t Perceive where the Giant Spider is due to his blindness from earlier. An enemy shoots at him but hits the spider instead (soft cover).
Bellona tells the Ogrekin approaching her to hold on for a second, five-foot-steps towards the spider and Rage-Greatsword-Elemental Strike-Chill Touch’s it. Shelelu finishes off. Bellona returns to the guy on the catwalk, who starts backing away.
Xiulan takes a wimpy crossbow shot and misses. Ranalf says screw this, uses Cheetah’s Sprint and charges at an enemy at the back of the barn (Elite Guy from earlier), screaming at the top of his lungs. He only needed a 3 to hit. He rolls a 2, misses and continues to dash into the depths of the barn, slamming into a wall.
Bastonne (Enlarged) moves up to attack Elite Guy, scoring a 1 on the grapple. Elite Guy tries to retaliate, but also rolls a 1. Bastonne and Ranalf start beating on the guy. Grapple + a turn equals 50 points of ball-crushing, followed by death.
[Bastonne: “It’s okay. I have full HP. I have no fear of death!”]
The first Pit ends and the one enemy in there celebrates his freedom before getting headshot-ed by Roland’s readied action. The last pit ends and Shelelu finishes off the enemy inside.
Loot: 7 light crossbows, 7 shortspears, 42 gp, high-quality hide armor, high-quality ogre hook, amulet of 350 gp, 235 gp, a tin sealed in wax. [627 gp]
Bastonne pries open the tin and finds it full of mummified noses. He closes the tin.
Neat! Are you actually typing that stuff up in real time while the combat is happening?
Generally yes. Some of it I put in post-session when I realize that something that was obvious at the time is not clear in writing, but usually it’s an as-it-happens report. It’s not a complete blow-by-blow, but you definitely get a sense of what happened.
Okay, i honestly want to know. Where do you even get a campaign that has random adventures like that? Bribing a god, inter dimensional beasts and more!
Seriously in all the years I’ve played DND -only online-I have never had a campaign come close to yours.
Everything is simply a single linear campaign and not the wacky dimension hopping, t-rex eating, campaign that is yours. I’m jealous 😛
Wish I could claim credit. The T-Rex encounter was my own design, but the mystical island of Khorant comes courtesy of Monte Cook.
You can’t find the old “Dungeon a Day” website any more. It was a subscription based service where Cook would release a new megadungeon room every week day. Everything was fully hyperlinked so that you could simply click on a part of the map and go to the appropriate page. That functionality bit the dust before the website itself went down, a victim of 3rd party Kickstarter promises that never quite materialized. The level PDFs are still floating around though, and that’s what I find myself using these days. The campaign continues!
In any case, I managed to save quite a few pages from the website itself. Here’s the blueprint to creating your own megadungeon in that style:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Dungeon-Design-Assumptions.html
When I read your story I thought it was a “Talking Sword”. That would have more magic revealed over time.
I thought it was going to be something Thrikeen related.
I thought I was going to have an aneurysm.
It probably wasn’t a penmanship issue, but once, long ago, I was the loot scribe, and I was reviewing the loot from the adventure so far and found the words “hauling corn” as loot. I suspect it was an offhand joke by someone that was written down to continue the joke, but nobody could remember what the hauling corn was, or why it was loot. I still wonder about it occasionally.
My group keeps a quote scroll beside the gaming table. It’s this big sheet of butcher paper rolled around a wrapping paper tube. It’s got the Sharpie squiggles of ages long past, illegible as ancient runes and twice as mysterious. As it turns out, context is freaking important when you’re recording inside jokes.
My current party has “fungus corn” in their inventory. I actually know where and when we got it (a party member just randomly picked it in a field we were walking through), but even knowing that I can’t tell you WHY they took it.
I will have you know that I just made a note to self.
“Comic idea: Nonsensical actions just for the heck of it.”
TY!
I’m not sure how we got this big of an error, but my party once read “4 bowstrings of cure light wounds” off a loot list.
Hey, Overwatch has a character with a Sniper rifle that shoots healing bullets, so it could happen.
I’ve heard of “daggers of healing” before. They heal like a cure light on a hit, so you usually come out ahead on damage. You just have to deal with being stabbed.
So… a syringe?
Syringes strapped to blunted arrow-shafts and filled with healing potion! Has no one ever tried this before?
Arrows? I don’t think so. Spears on the other hand…
http://www.d20pfsrd.com/equipment/weapons/weapon-descriptions/spear-syringe/
Inventorys,… don’t even get me started. In my Groups when things go Haywaire, and the Teams Muscle/Magic Dude isn’t cutting it for some Reason (due not being there Unconcious, turned, whatever), everyone looks through their Inventorys, and often they pull out old long forgotten Stuff, that helps them save the Day.
There is a Reason, you don’t sort out your loot, and you only sell it every once in a while!
So tell me your tale. What’s the most unexpected item to come out of the bag and save the day?
Whew,… hm let me think, most of the time it was that last Potion of Cure Light Wounds, when our Magic Users keeled over, or a Weapon when he had none on hand, or the odd magical rod.
Hm. Ah yes i know. We got saved by 30 Dirty rugged Orc sets of Leather Armour, and Sewing set.
You see our Glorious Party went hiking up a snowy Mountain, in search of a very secluded City. Our DM asks us Twice if we are sure. Party: Yes yes we got a climbing set, we are ready to go!
Alright, so when we start taking Exhaustion Damage from the Cold it hit us. We have no Winter Gear/Clothes. Of course none of our Magic users has the Spell “Endure Elements”. A Snow Storm comes up. We search for a cave and are lucky. Desperatly we look through our Inventorys.
Yeah okay, we got a Boatload of leather stuff to make Winter Gear. My Fighter has Craft (Armour) Exactly one rank. Can i do that? DM grins deviously: Yes, but well do you have the Crafting Equipment? Me: Gulp No. Psychic: I got one! DM: What? When? Where? Psychic Player smiles: I bought it way back at Lvl 1, i actually forgot i still had it!
Quite a few makeshift Crafting Checks later, runining quite a few Pieces of Leather Armor, my Fighter manges to craft us some makeshift winter gear.
And thats the Story how a Sewing set and some Junk Leather Armor saved the Whole Party.
Wait, you actually have a sewing kit? Well then…
We just forget to write things down.
“Do we still have that magic item from the drow dungeon?”
“I dunno, I think so? I don’t remember getting rid of it.”
“Who had it?”
“Uhh…”
Something is off about Thief’s horns. Do they normally come out of the back right of her hair like that, and i’ve just never noticed?
(There was supposed to be a line separating those two thoughts, oh well)
No worries. 😛
The whole index card thing? I enforce it. If you can’t find the card, you don’t have it on your character. Some other schmuck in the party must have stuck it in the umbrella stand back in the guildhall. This is an unpopular rule for obvious reasons, but I think it at least incentivizes good bookkeeping.
As for Thief’s “horns,” I’m afraid you’re laboring under a misapprehension. Those are grossly overdeveloped moles. You ever see “Robin Hood: Men in Tights?” She’s got the same curse as King John.
Wouldn’t Thief be happy with that since animals are easy marks?
I’ll refer you to the scroll-over text. You might not think that’s such a bad fight for the Heroes, but there’s a template that gives them bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you.
So long as they don’t have Richard Simmons’ golems I’m fine with that.
Not quite misspelling, but misreading. I forget the context exactly (possibly because I wasn’t playing), but a 2e game my dad DM’d that my older brother played in saw my brother getting a Helm of Underwear Action. If I recall correctly, it acted as a Telekinesis spell of some sort, but only worked on undergarments.
I should ask my dad about it; I don’t remember well enough.
Well that’s freaking amazing. I’m guessing it was a must-take item for bards.
I think that would be a good item. It woukd increase treasure drops in encounters that usually don;t have them
“The scabrous goblin lies dead at your feat. According to Loot Table A, you gain one broken dagger and a single electrum piece.”
“Wait. I activate the ring of retroactive treasure type adjustment.”
“OK then. According to Loot Table J, you get A NEW CAR!”
Most of our “clerical errors” come from one player, and it’s generally when other people try to play his characters on the occasions that he cannot attend a session. Said player’s handwriting is completely illegible, so he switched to keeping a text-format character sheet on Google Docs. Despite removing his absolutely terrible penmanship from the equation, there are still frequently misunderstandings about what is on his character sheet. The most hilarious was when he was apparently taking down notes for something else, and “Monday at 2 o’clock” appeared in his character’s inventory. Although the “torc of stiches” (spelling faithfully copied) was another particularly good one (we’re still trying to figure out how he got there from “torc of the titans”). And the character he created the day the “S” key on his laptop keyboard was broken was the most confusing of all (“magic mile” on his spell sheet was IIRC the only one we figured out).
Heh. “Magic Mile” sounds like a blue ribbon trout stream.
Is Laurel changing/improving her artstyle ? I think its the first time Thief’s hair are drawn with such details
Good spot! Over on the Patreon, she made this comment below the December wallpaper:
I hope she dosent get lost as an artist, too many try to “improve” and it go somewhat awry, losing touch with what made theire things good
I name this boar, King Filthy Rich.
What? ALL characters in this comic must have names. Them’s the rules.
Ramsus? You’re my favorite. 😀
Hehe. =D
The best part?
I am TERRIBLE at naming my own characters. I take forever and half the time wind up with something I find “acceptable”.
But for some reason this comic just provides me with instant inspiration.
Remember way back in “Manly Name” when I was talking about my difficulties with character naming?
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-handbook-of-heroes-09
I think it stems from the fact that I keep trying to encapsulate all my hopes and dreams for a character inside of a few syllables. When I stop caring as much the name tends to get better.
There’s a simple solution if you have access to the pdfs of the 3.5 books Races of Stone/The Dragon/The Wild/Destiny. Each one has an table for randomly generating names. Dwarves, Dragons, and Elves have tables with translations for simple words.
When I need a fantasy name, I determine which race the character would be closest to. There are Halfling, Gnome, Dwarf, Elf, Illumian, Goliath, and Dragon tables that can really help.
As an example, the name Corellon Larethian (The name of the Elven Creator God in D&D) means “Legendary-Chief Night-Arcane-Lord” (Cor-ellon) (La-reth-ian).
The tables are really handy tools for name creation.
I just noticed, Thief’s hair is curlier now.
I approve.
It’s crazy to see the comic evolve over two years. If you go back and forth between early pages and the latest stuff, you can really see Laurel’s art style changing.
I think I’ve mentioned this incident in a previous comment, but in one Evil party, they decided that because everyone was either greedy or self-serving, the best way to stay a group without killing each other over loot was to sell everything of value so we could distribute the wealth equally and then use it to buy what we wanted.
At the end of one mission, we killed this boss that was a 60 foot tall construct. At its heart was a large 3 foot diameter jade orb that weighed 60 pounds. Nobody wanted it, and the party member best at appraising it said it was probably worth 200 gp. Since only I could carry it, I brought it back to the base. I decided I wanted it as part of my personal loot. The others decided that I could keep it if I relinquished 200 gp to split among the party.
Fast forward, and a new guy joined the party. He had a lot of points in appraisal, so he looked at the jade orb and discovered that it is actually an elaborate lockbox. When it was opened up, we found a diminuitive construct (worth very little, basically just a magical toy), a Quest Item, some diamonds and sapphires worth 1500 total, as well as about 1000 gp, and about 500 gp in some healing potions.
Immediately, the other members demanded that I share the wealth within. I said “No, you didn’t want this until it was worth something”. The Death priest then announced that he would withhold healing from me unless I paid him, and would do the same to anyone that offered me free services.
I ended up keeping about 500 gp, gave the rest to a party member that had a room dedicated to his hoard, gave the sapphires to the guy that opened and appraised the orb, tossed the diamonds at the guy in charge of holding the money and supplies for Raise Dead spells, then closed the orb. I kept it.
Not quite a clerical error (though perhaps the cleric was in error with his decision), but it was an issue with inventory management.
On a different note, I heard tell from a GM once that because one guy was really obnoxious about wanting Magic Missile without multiclassing or putting in the effort, the GM awarded him a Ring of Magic Missile*. Turns out, it was a Ring of Silent Image that could only create images of Magic Missile, but could be used at will.
I think the GM was a bit of a jerk for it, but it’s still a funny item.
I’m pretty sure that magic missile guy was in the first Tremors movie.
I just noticed that Thief’s horns are a tiny bit see-through in this comic.
Ummm… blink spell?
Actually, I think that might just be a coincidence. There’s a transparent parchment effect over every comic. Check out Wizard’s knee for example. I think the lines might just look like they line up with coins this time.
Thief, this is great! Now you just need to rob the boar of its affluence, take a long rest, and repeat until you have enough money to…um…
No such thing as ‘enough money’ for Thief!
In this comic, I’ve recently realized that Thief’s horns are a little bit transparent.