It’s not easy owning a Pizza Goblin franchise. Adventurers are all the time wandering in with outdated coupons. Feeding the delivery wargis cuts way into your margins. You’ve got to source your own toppings, and even if no one can tell you’re using canned man-flesh, fresh eyeballs are both necessary and expensive. Worst of all, you’re competing with BBEG’s retirement package on staffing, and for some reason those guys are always hiring. Just saying, if I were that poor Goblin Shift Manager I’d be just as happy to take the smiting. It would probably be less painful in the long run.

If you happen to occupy Paladin’s place in this little arrangement though, then you are sitting pretty. As a card-carrying member of Team Good Guy, he’s well within his rights to smite every mother-lurker in the room. That’s just science. But if you want to go above and beyond in your quest to make the party rogue feel like an dick, then sparing the monsters is also a great way to go.

Not just any monster will do though. If the defeated bad guy is cackling manically and promising “vengeance from my dark masters” or whatever, you’re probably better off with a quick, humane stabbing. (I can think of a certain Wizard who would be well-served heeding this advice.) Instead, you’re looking for enemies at the bottom of their character arc. I’m talking frightened cultists en route to sacrifice. Noble lieutenants torn between love of country and disdain for king. Starved beasts kept in pits to dispose of interlopers. It’s all about picking your spots. And given the looks of that dispirited greenskin manning the cash register, I’d venture to say he’s a prime target for a little self-serving leniency.

What do the rest of you merciful monster hunters think? When it comes to sparing the enemy, how do you know if you’re getting a good deal? What steps do you take to make sure you skip out on the sudden but inevitable etc.? Tell us all about your own merciful monster ministrations down in the comments!


NEW T-SHIRT DESIGN! What’s this? A brand-spanking new t-shirt in the Handbook of Heroes Store? And it features the adorable greenskin delivery boys from our somewhat obviously-named “Pizza” comic? I’ll take twelve! Proclaim your love for Pizza Goblin with this stylish slice of tasty trash! It’s the best pizza in all of Handbook-World!


ARE YOU AN IMPATIENT GAMER? If so, you should check out the “Henchman” reward level over on The Handbook of Heroes Patreon. For just one buck a month, you can get each and every Handbook of Heroes comic a day earlier than the rest of your party members. That’s bragging rights right there!