The social interactions that take place within RPGs are, at best, questionably plausible. You see it most commonly with Bluff attempts, resulting in something I’ve termed the “RPG lie.” This is a special class of lie that no one in the real world could possibly believe. Within the world of dice and DM screens, however, these are often just dumb enough to work. It’s stuff like this:

“Who goes there?”

“I’m a goblin guard just like you. I started this morning.”

** rolls a nat 20 **

“Wow. You look an awful lot like one of those elf rangers to me. Meh. Nobody’s perfect. Carry on then.”

These lies range from the implausible (“I’m the real king! He’s an impostor!”) to the bald-faced (“You can read, can’t you? The ID says John Fakename. That’s me.”) to the utterly bizarre (e.g. the epic of Sir Bearington). But as weird as the lies can get, there is nothing stranger than the seducto-mancer. Most often bards, these arch-sluts respond to adversity by sleeping with it. They’ll max some kind of Diplomacy score, roll impossibly high, and pillow talk the lich/orc warlord/dragon of the week out of their evil plot. It’s amusing the first couple of times, but the wise GM will bring the banhammer down swiftly. After all, donkey is not an acceptable player race.

So how about it? What’s your best just-crazy-enough-to-work act of diplomancy?


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