While musing about Wizard’s recent escapades, I found myself drawn into my old “Character Ideas & Builds” document. It’s 57 pages worth of character concepts, running the gamut from one-to-twenty leveling plans all the way down to half-baked bullet points. One of these latter reads as follows:

  • Half-orc barbarian / alchemist. Battle spatula. Adventures for exotic ingredients. 

It was like smelling an old baseball glove you haven’t picked up in years. Or meeting your best friend from middle school. Or walking into your childhood bedroom. The memories came rushing back, and I recalled what I was on about.

My dude and his trusty battle spatula (a reflavored great club) would search the depths of the dungeon for weird monsters. The barbarian half brought animism to the table, gaining the strength of monsters by consuming them. The alchemist brought cookery, with ‘weird ingredients’ already simmering in that’s class’s proverbial cookpot. It was such a cool concept! It was highly original! I couldn’t wait to play!

And then I got scooped.

And it wasn’t just Delicious in Dungeon. The longer I prowled my various Mage’s Forums, the more I saw the concept out in the wilds. Loads of hungry adventurers were scouring dungeons and eating monsters! No trail rations for these bad boys! Only Jell-O-tinous cubes and brazed owlbear steak. And not satisfied with these delicacies, they next turned their eyes to less dangerous ingredients.

“Can I eat my familiar?” they asked. “I know it disappears when it hits 0 Hit Points, but what if I just took a leg or something?”

From there it’s only a short hop to 5e lizardfolk eating party members before resurrecting them. “I was hungry! I only needed a finger or two to bring you back. Why are you complaining?”

And while all this weirdness is pretty weird, I have no doubt that it will pale in comparison to the horrors coming in the comments section. So put on your bibs and fire up the grill, Handbook-World! For today’s discussion: What is the weirdest thing you’ve eaten in-game?


ARE YOU A ROLL20 ADDICT? Are you tired of googling endlessly for the perfect tokens? Then have we got a Patreon tier for you! As a card-carrying Familiar, you’ll receive a weekly downloadable Roll20 Token to use in your own online games, as well as access to all of our previously posted Tokens. It’s like your own personal NPC codex!