In Your End-O!
It is scientifically impossible to have a serious discussion about a rod of lordly might. It is also scientifically impossible for gamers to resist a pun-off.
Just last session, my party was hunting down a band of plant zombies. It is inadvisable to ask them about the experience. First they’ll tell you how they rooted out the opposition. The fight wasn’t so bad though, because their bark was worse than their bite. The party had a fern belief that they would win, and didn’t even birch about it when they took damage.
Yew get the idea. I don’t want to get sappy here, because I do love my players. But sometimes acorny joke goes too far. Happily, when I asked them to stop they said oaky dokey.
OK. I’m done. I hope you’re in as much pain as I was, because that fifteen minutes worth of plant people tracking was torture. And Gygax forbid you ever get started on the sexual innuendo. If you’ve ever seen a rogues do it from behind t-shirt you know what I’m talking about. Same deal with bags of holding (your sack is huge!). Same deal with ettins (what else does he have two of?). Same deal with scoring some booty, or great cleave(age), or the tongues spell, or a paladin laying hands on himself. Gamers will always come up with these jokes. And like the treant who bit his lip and exclaimed, “Dat ash!” I think I like it that way.
How about the rest of you guys? What’s the best (or worst) innuendo you’ve ever encountered in a game? Let’s hear it in the comments!
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Every time I play a Paladin & do Lay on hands to myself, I sing “I Touch Myself” just because it’s childish & amuses me.
The prompt was, “Why do you play RPGs?” Good answer. 😛
After my blowup about the forums on Monday, I figured I owed you a humorous answer.
So, what the tag on this comic should be? Sorceric ? Clercerer ? Now, that I think about it, erotic subtext/shipper baiting seems to be a running theme. I mean, let’s look at just a few:
“Fighter sleeps with Mr. Stabby while Cleric watches” #Fightabby #Fighteric – https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-handbook-of-heroes-03
“Cleric and Adept trying something new” – #Cladept #Adeptic https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/guild-charter ( I don’t think she was ever named, so I’m working with what I’ve got )
“Hot buthtub free for all” #IMNotEvenGonnaTry – https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-handbook-of-heroes-07
Honestly, at this point I wonder why you even bother keeping the Handbook of Erotic Fantasy separate.
For the kids, HadACookie. We keep it separate for the kids. 😛
Keep in mind, it is known that Cleric comes from a celibate order. It’s just that now we’ve got a clearer picture of what he’s abstaining from. 😀
Also, my vote is for #Sorceric. Tag it and ship it!
While it never quite reached an in-character exchange, one of the other players in a game I was in, was playing a Gnoll Inquisitor of what was basically a cross between Thor and Odin. All-seeing thunder-god of battle and honor.
He proceeded to meet a female gnoll Paladin of his order, an NPC the DM included for part of a personal quest for the Inquisitor.
They then proceeded to get married.
Many comments were made concerning the notorious anatomical similarities between male and female hyenas of certain species and whether that held true for gnolls.
(Similar never-quite-in-character conversations happened concerning my kobold, and the peculiarities of certain reptilian anatomy. We are not the most mature group. I feel like we’re all great roleplayers, but behind the curtains it’s like a Rob Schneider comedy.)
Good. Because I drank a potion a few comment threads ago, and I now appear to be a female kobold. I’ve got questions.
Being a kobold is easy: Just remember you’re allergic to mortal danger unless you have at least eight other kobolds in sight, in which case you reverse all cowardly behavior and become just one pirahna in the swarm.
You can also elect to be brave without eight plus other kobolds in sight; this is, however, typically known as ‘insanity’ among your scaly kin, and may result in downwards social movement.
While it wadn’t innuendo per say, I was at a public play table just two days ago where a Litsune used Speak With Animals with a dog to use diplomacy. And then they reminded the GM that one of their traits boosted social rolls against someone who could be sexually attracted to them.
To be fair, me calling someone out for having Magical Realm undertones is like a Gnome calling a Halfling “shortstack,” but public PFS play us neither the time nor the place for something so… unsubtle.
Guess that dog WANTED TO BURY HIS BONE EH??
*awkward laughter*
Kitsune, even. Stupid phone posting.
Well I mean… If they were in fox form at the time, I guess it works?
Flesh to Stone.
I award you full points for submitting a correct answer.
Not Innuendo perse, but close to harassment was the remark of one of our lady players about what her male Pendragon Knight was doing in the romance department. She basically said something like: I have 16 Flirting and 16 STR, so never any problems…..
As this whole #MeToo is still around we were kind of happy that it was the lady player that said that, and not us males. The (lady) GM was properly scandilized though.
How unchivalrous!
I had a halfling warlock whose flaw was that he’s constantly making bad puns, and since hew grew up in a lich’s court, he doesn’t really have a sense of what counts as too morbid.
And the GM let me get away with it.
…but that’s nothing compared when one of the players wanted to run a oneshot for us, and we conspired against him, and we all rolled bards. He did not notice it until we pointed that out like, two hours before the game. What we did not point out is that we based our bards on Lust, Envy, Wrath and Greed. (Sloth was too lazy to join, and Gluttony’s horse ran away in fear. Pride’s player couldn’t make it in the last minute unfortunately).
Two hours in the game, we already made the DM sigh with exasperation over 28 times.
Fun times.
Jokes bring joy to other people. Puns bring joy to the teller. Usually at the expense of other people.
I agree, cause the best puns are the worst ones. It’s like hoovers – the good ones always suck.
And back in Hungary I happened to play regularly in a group where we all appreciated the worst puns.
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Oh darn, that looks fun – but we rarely need any props cause anything fires off our punguns 😉
I appear to verge on the fringes of the asexuality spectrum and have on more than a few occasions been the source of accidental innuendos. It is, apparently, no defence that my brain “just didn’t go there when I said that”.
A bard I played with once used this as vicious mockery: “Your dick’s so small, you need to Locate Object everytime to find it.”
It also was the killing blow to a hill giant, so yeah..
One idea I’ve got kicking around is the taverns using those old wordless medieval style tavern signs (see https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/71131/why-do-british-pubs-have-illustrated-signs-outside) and having the signs all point to rude phrasea
For example, one pub’s sign might depict a rooster juggling, and it would be revealed later that the establishment’s proper name is the “Cock and Balls”
Now I’m trying to remember where “the dick and pickle” comes from.
I know it’s a tavern from an actual play, but I can’t place it in my memory banks.
I’m also partial to the idea that rituals to the god of rogues involve a lot of dogs and farming equipment because people have misunderstood his statements about “bitches and hoes”
That some “Life of Brian” level malarkey right there.
“Lay your hands on me” by Bon Jovi has been my go-to song since before memes existed.
I hope you hit all the falsetto notes in-game.