Way back in Throw Anything, we talked about willfully obtuse rules readings. When Cleric and Sorcerer were having a staff-measuring contest in In-Your-End-O!, we talked about in-game innuendo. But today we’re talking about something truly special. We’re talking about those times when the puns are so bad, so groan-inducing, and yet so maddeningly on-point, that (rules be damned!) you can’t help but insert them into your game. And if you’re anything like me, these moments are designed expressly to torment your players.

So there they were, lost in a maze of slot canyons with only a kobold sherpa for a guide. The little fellow wasn’t much for Common, and the party wizard had only half-learned the local pidgin. The only solution was to rely upon pantomime and guesswork.

“Danger,” hazarded the wizard.

The kobold nodded.

“Death?” he asked.

The kobold licked its own eye in affirmation.

“You’re saying that there are traps.”

On the nosey.

This was a kobold after all, so it stood to reason that he would be an expert on trapsmithing. After a bit more of the charades game, the party deduced that there was a specific kind of trap in store. There were a number of deadfalls up ahead, and so everyone started looking out for tripwires and precariously balanced stones.

They managed to avoid the first couple of pressure plates, and I was beginning to fear that they might make it out unscathed. Probability is a fickle mistress though, and the natural 1 finally came around. The rocks, when they started falling, weren’t exactly rocks though. They were skeletons woven together into dense balls of bone, and these misshapen things crawled their way toward the party even after the initial falling-object damage.

“Deadfalls?” asked the party.

I could only giggle in reply. I believe they threw a coaster at me.

So what about the rest of you guys? Have you ever given into temptation and thrown a pun-based encounter at your party? Can you top mine? Let’s hear all about your vilest wordplay down in the comments!


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