WARNING: Reading this dramatic scene carries some risk. Consult your GM if you experience morale bonuses to Constitution, advantage on Strength checks or Strength Saving Throws,  difficulty concentrating on spells, or other symptoms associated with Rage. If these symptoms persist for two or more sessions, or if you have a family history of writing belligerent rants on message boards, seek an FAQ immediately. Ahem:

Player: “Natural frigging 20! I crit for…carry the nine…4,362 damage. Hell yeah!”

GM: “OK. Let me just mark that off. And… cool. It’s the fiend’s turn.”

Player: “You mean it’s not dead?”

GM: “Nope. It has exactly one hit point remaining. Also it flees into the portal and escapes your righteous fury.” 

Player: “It flees? Then it provokes an attack of opportunity!”

GM: “Ooh… sorry about that. I meant to say that it uses the withdraw action.” 

Player: “But I have a reach weapon. Only the first square is safe from the reach of my mighty Gadget arms!” 

GM: “Fine, whatever. Go ahead and role.” 

Player: “Holy crap, another nat 20! I decapitate the the evil-doer for great justice!” 

GM: “You attempt to do so. But your enemy has one last trick up its sleeve. The creature casts emergency force sphere!” 

Player: “Didn’t you ban that from this campaign?” 

GM: “I mean… It uses one of its legendary actions to force a reroll.” 

Player: “Nat 20 again.” 

GM: “You fool! The fiend was just an illusion!”

Player: “I have truesight up.” 

GM: “Look, I’m tired of you arguing about every little rules call. If you can’t accept my authority as a GM, you can leave my table.”

And scene. Like we learned way back in “Boss Monster,” this mess isn’t just hypothetical. Desperate to save their pet storylines, there is literally no bottom to the bullshittery of a cornered GM. So for today’s discussion, what do you say we commiserate about these gross abuses? When have you caught your GM in bald-faced lie? And by the same token, have you ever been tempted to stoop to these depraved depths in your own moments of weakness? Climb aboard that railroad and tell your own “I was robbed” stories down in the comments!


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