Social Shenanigans
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m a little disappointed in Wizard. Without the moderating influence of Horsepower, it looks like she too has succumbed to the siren song of shenanigans. It’s hard to fault her though. This mess happens to everybody.
Here’s where I’m coming from. When it’s time to decide “what my guy would do,” the decision is all about prioritizing. At its most basic level it’s that old theater kid line: What’s my motivation? While PCs tend to care somewhat about impressing the local muckety-mucks, they care a lot more about their personal quests. For example:
- Thief — Weary of playing second fiddle to Wizard’s ambassadorial duties, our larcenous lady’s jealous streak rears its ugly head. She doesn’t know what grand romantic gesture she wants or needs, but it had better be a good one.
- Cleric — If you’re going to invite a dwarf to dinner, you’d better not serve him wine. In Cleric’s culture, the big book of etiquette says it’s rude to quaff any less than five ales before the first course. You better believe he’s going to follow the RAW on that one.
- Wizard — There are but two choices here. Act as a good Ambassador ought, endure the petty insults aristocrats, and secure the disputed borderlands for the Ivy Throne… Or scandalize these human pricks with secret elven make out techniques. Which, I wonder, will cause the most drama?
- Fighter — Fuck yeah murderhobo!
No matter what your motivation happens to be, fancy parties and formal occasions are the perfect time to show it off. Violating the social mores of Lady Weatherbottom or Sir Fancypants or whoever is a guaranteed way to grab the spotlight. And when an entire party (inevitably) goes for the spotlight at once, the chaos is always entertaining.
Therefore! For today’s discussion question, I’d like you guys to pick one of your favorite PCs. Imagine that they’ve been handed a ticket to a gala affair. How are they going to ruin that occasion with their personal drama? What petty vendettas, secret plots, and weird motivations are likely to cause a stir at His Majesty’s high table? Tell us all about your own black tie shenanigans down in the comments!
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Is Lady Weatherbottom swooning because Wizard’s and Thief’s, hemhem, “shenanigans” are outside her experience and expectations … or because the unbridled passion is overwhelming her? 😉
“Oh, Lord Fancypants, with all this rascality… I’m beginning to feel faint! Please, you must catch me in your strong, muscular arms”
You’ve uncovered her secret plot to win Lord Fancypants’s heart by paying the ambassador and her wife in Ioun Stones (of dubious provenance) to make the “proper atmosphere.”
That or a sequel for a different kind of Handbook.
Naw. I’m already referencing a HoEF strip involving ioun stones. 😛
Hmm, usually my characters are the voice of reason, but let’s give this a go and see how many I can come up with excuses for derailment for.
Lapis, Merfolk Bard. Sweet and good-natured, Lapis is unlikely to cause a problem… intentionally. Her Wisdom is abysmal, and she’s easily distracted at the best of times. Her odds of getting lost and wandering into forbidden areas, causing an incident with the guards, are quite high.
Locus, Cheerful Sociopath. Seems like it should be easy for him, but the problem here is that Locus is quite intelligent, a team player, and more than capable of falling back on polite detachment if that’s what it takes to keep things running smoothly. No, ironically, I think the problem here would be the rest of the party *expecting* him to do something terrifying and/or brutal. This would leave them on edge, which would spread to the rest of the partygoers, and be reinforced by occasional casual comments/responses from Locus that hint there’s something off about him.
Jaun “Aegis”, Aasimar Paladin. Too heroic for his own good. He’s not going to sit around abiding injustices he sees, even if they are accepted part of the society (e.g., he would intervene if he witnessed mistreatment of servants). He might also cause offense by being too honest where a white lie would have served better.
Smyler, Half-Elf Pirate. If an opportunity comes up to hold the whole place hostage or perform a dramatic heist, he’ll carefully weigh the benefits of that for his reputation and future power against what he could get by continuing to socialize and make contacts. The course of the night will hinge on which way that calculation goes.
I’m a particular fan of Locus in this scenario. Formal occasions are sort of like GMs: we expect their expectations to be violated. This character plays with that in a meta sense.
My goliath artificer will be extremely blunt when speaking, “Because that is the most efficient manner of passing on information”, and end up accidentally insulting some noble. She also won’t understand figures of speech unless she’s ben told the meaning in advance.
> goliath
> won’t understand figures of speech
Drax the Destroyer makes a good artificer.
Favourite character… the Norse berserker I’m currently running in warhammer fantasy, good storyteller and sailor on top of being, well… big, mean and angry.
As he doesn’t speak any Reikspiel a game of pretend is out of question so we’re left with the obvious. Gather a host and go for good easy loot, the food and alcohol present are a nice bonus to the trip. Also since it’s a fancy event there will be guards so Khorne will be pleased(if only his gaze would fall on me more, at this rate I will be nurgles champion).
I suspect that your invitation to this event was sent in error.
Give him 400 more xp and I can have career with another language and then I can go full Tzeench on my plots, until then all I got is axe, sailing and storytelling. Besides it definately counts as being invited when I capture the messenger and take the invitation as my own.
“I claim this invitation by right of conquest!”
Anklebiter the Insane, NG Goblin abjurer.
He’d actually do his best to be a good guest and follow etiquette, but … he’s a Goblin with a monkey familiar. People are likely to annoy him by treating him like a walking stereotype. Minky might swipe some food from an unguarded plate, and Anklebiter would not sit still for someone threatening his familiar.
He wouldn’t Fireball the joint, but Limp Lash (PF 1E) is definitely on the menu for tonight’s festivities…
I feel like this is a good reason to check your monkey at the door.
AB: “Keep your mitts off of my monkey, longshanks.”
“Surely you would not part an old gob from his walking chimp?”
Eloise Tow, CG female Human magus.
She grew up in a noble house and knows all the etiquette… in Cheliax.
Needless to say, she rebelled and left the family; she even changed her name.
If she meets someone she knows from back in the day and tries to arrest her or convince to go home, or someone looks down their nose at her too much, a moment may / will come when she says “Eff this” and throws a punch. She may or may not activate Pool strike when she does.
Has she not encountered Chelish nobility since her abdication? Those fuckers are so wide-spread I feel like she’d have to throw punches at ANY notable event.
Eloise LIKES punching jerks.
Jaas the smuggler from my traveller games used to be minor nobility himself, but that’s not going to stop him swivelling whenever a servant moves up behind him or refusing to shake hands with anyone until they’ve removed all of their rings.
Orestes Tintasquel-Agellion Xilanthi-Escabaro, half-elf poet extraordinaire, will be very polite for most of the meal. When somebody calls for a speech, however, no matter how obviously they are directing that at the host, he’ll stand bolt upright and begin thanking the chef and guests loudly.
Laurel Kernstrack, my mountaineer rogue and most recent character, will just have terrible table manners and possibly start climbing the walls if A) the guests doubt her stories of daring feats or B) They look interesting to climb.
Heh. I like the speech guy. That’s goo schtick right there. Must be easy for your GM to trigger social hijinks with him in the party.
Bobbitt Pogue the Hobbit Rogue (left) is easily bored and has no patience for stuffy twicelings. He has been known to interrupt banquets by dancing on tables, juggle any and all loose objects to gain attention, and occasionally invoke the weekly power of a *rod of splendor* while indoors to redecorate the chamber as an even more expensive (but tacky) seraglio/casino.
Embrace the chaos.
> Bobbitt Pogue the Hobbit Rogue
I suspect you of choosing your race and class before your name.
Yes and no. The character was chosen for me; he began as a pregen with a now-forgotten, atrocious, computer-randomly-generated name like “Lumpkin Porridgepot” or some such.
My character naming tendencies are infamous.
Lia Mournswaithe, NG Caliban wizard.
Lia can be hugely crabby at the best of times.
She starts out with good intentions, but considers attempts to learn her background to be equal to an attack, she wears the mask and veil for good reasons (to her), and she has zero tolerance for vileness of any kind.
It starts with coolly intellectual discussion; it turns to sarcastic snark; it proceeds to cold hostility.
If you really push her, it ends in force, fire and lightning. She might even draw a gun on you.
“You’re really going to ask why I wear a mask? Have you not seen the news? It’s COVID times. Use some sense!”
COVID is one plague that hasn’t tormented Ravenloft. Yet. ^_^
Lia uses her mask to hide she’s a Caliban.
Samalander Writhe (who is certainly not Arcnatus Writhe with a bad dye job and a fake mustache how dare you say so) is the absolute worst combination of a door to door salesman and the guy selling “Rolexes” in the park. Nothing will get the royal guard called on you quite like using a carrying whisper to say “psst, I got the stuff” to the Treacherous Uncle right before he commits treachery.
Tom Timms has a compulsion to answer any question (asked to him directly) completely and truthfully. Unfortunately, he is a conspiracy theorist, so while it might possibly be true that Pelor of the Burning Hate is actually a NN/NE god with a really good PR campaign, answering questions at parties can get awkward very quickly. His maxed out disguise skill and the fact no one actually talks to the staff has saved him so far but you can only imagine the problems the wrong question someone asking the new waiter could cause as well.
Well, let’s see
Ashtelle, the glamour bard/disgraced noble scion would systematically seduce/charm the attendees and upstage her hosts
Erskine, the divination wizard and embarrassment of the noble family, would actually be one of the hosts; but would ruin the party with her dire prophecies and inability to speak in any tense other than the past tense.
Little Richard, the private investigator, is always well dressed, cultured, and polite; particularly to the ladies. Unfortunately, Little Richard is also a sentient rat.
I am playing a brother and sister pair of Tabaxi right now. She could ruin the party fast just by ‘talking’ to people.
To explain, he is the formal voice of the pair as she is technically mute. He’s a Bard who fancies himself a sort of P.I. and she is an archeologist by trade and Warlock by class. She made the mistake of translating a bit of forgotten lore and in the process, speaking the name of her then soon to be and current patron. This both unintentionally forged the pact and destroyed her vocal chords in one ill-advised utterance. Her patron is a Great Old One. This has the side class benefit of giving her a form of telepathy. However her telepathic ‘voice’ is, very disturbing. Imagine walking into the day room of the world’s worst mental institution with all the residents there jabbering and screaming and whatnot. And then in almost unison, they all look your way and start ‘saying’ the same thing. Now imaging that experience being projected into your mind. Unexpectedly. At a party. She’d have the whole ballroom running for the exits just by saying ‘hello’.
Hence why her brother does all the talking. He’s gotten used to ‘listening’ to her via long exposure. Even the rest of the adventuring group has yet to ‘hear’ her. She just pantomimes or relays through him what she has to say to them.
Just one? Can’t resist, I’m gonna do all the current ones…
Jareth Mooncalled the Hobo Elven Sage/Cultist of the Elder Gods will get asked some seemingly innocuous question and he’ll begin pontificating as he gets wrought up in the fullness of omniscient universal knowledge at his fingertips (he’s mentally taped into YOG’SOTHOTH all the time, so can see/know all, he just has to ask the right questions – usually this is more like “permanent mental library card for the Library of Leng”, but sometimes it’s “disturbing secrets that no one but the one person (and YOG) there knew about”) and slowly either (at best) bore every to tears as he goes into excruciating minutia or (at worst) accidentally start revealing someone’s secrets that are embarrassingly connected to the topic at hand.
Jednesa the Ogress Barbarian Wrestler will never get invited. But, if somehow, for some crazed reason someone decides “honor demands I invite the savior of [Insert Name] town”… then the Warrior of Sartorial Destruction, known for losing shirts over just breathing to heavily, will try to sit very still and not touch anything. But at some point some will upset her and she’ll get up to leave and accidentally brush a little to hard up against a support structure (pillar, beam, wall) and the whole place will come down.
Stenet Fjall the Dwarven Holy Slayer will just occasionally talk too much about his job… No Stenet no one wants to know how you carved a succubus’ still beating heart out of her chest with a sharp shard of a broken silver plate and what nasty bodily fluids she exploded into while they’re eating the chowder…
Dilandua the Shadow Elf Flashy Assassin (Swashbuckler/Martial Artist) will just occasionally comment on what poison goes best with each course and drink and how most of them act too quickly for antidotes. And that some even surpass Resurrection…
Ulo the Teenage Troll Witch (she’s 18 folks, calm down) will offer her home made slorn jerky and hallucinogenic mushrooms (for smoking) and then discuss cave roots, mushrooms, lizard ranching, and other ‘responsible cave agriculture’ (she’s a hippy) and demand to speak with the cook to swap recipes. If surrounded by //elves// she may simply glower and simmer and occasionally make noises about nasty Elven sorceresses having killed her whole family, all her friends, most of her village actually… it’s still only been like a month now, so no, she isn’t over it.
Benny Morales the Dungeon Saint will be right at home, he’ll schmooze, hobknob, occasionally make faux pas, but his smooth demeanor ensures they are taken in the best way possible… until he sees the one woman he shouldn’t flirt with, the one that is the most dangerous to flirt with or pursue… and that’s where he goes off the rails. He’s like a Bard in that regard instead of the Cleric/Priest he’s desperately pretending to be… (he is a divine miracle worker, but he has no cloister training, he isn’t ordained, and he has no idea even how Hermes religion is supposed to work, he was a cutpurse/conman who grew up to be a fence, so he’s just faking it until he can figure it out – and Hermes that big old prankster is loving the antics.)
You’re in half a dozen campaigns at the same time? Geez…
Even worse, it’s one campaign a sort of “Western Marches/MegaDungeon/Megalopolis” campaign with ten groups all running around doing their own things occasionally crossing over.
Jareth’s crew is purely a “City/Undercity-Megadungeon” crew, they never leave the city except to go down… but so far have mostly been clearing the sewers and storm water maintenance tunnels of cultists, zombies, etc.
Stenet has yet to adventure in town, except to immediately go through a bunch of gates hunting demon’s that were infiltrating Temple Hill.
Jednesa is not actually always allowed in town (she knocked over a pub once, not as in ‘robbery’, no, she leaned a bit heavily on it and it fell over) and her crew is currently adventuring somewhere outside of town in an area full of dire and mega beasts.
Ulo came up from the megadungeon once, didn’t like it, and hasn’t left eh dungeon since… (the trolls all live int he “middle” areas of the megadungeon)
Dilandua has adventured out of town primarily (assassination missions ironically).
And Benny just joined up with another crew that is hunting cultists and infernal influence.
There are two other groups operating pretty much purely in town and two outside of town.
Of course this doesn’t mention the other games I’m in that aren’t Dungeon Fantasy… The Expanse, DEGENYSIS, Amber Diceless, WoD Geist: Sin-Eaters, and a SWADE Weird Wars II. All my games are online Play-by-Post though, so they don’t take up that much time (about as much time as a regular game session I suppose, just spread out 15 minutes here, 15 minutes there).
They are slow though… I’ve been playing Jareth for 7 years now in this game and it’s only been about 1 month of in game time, maybe 6 adventures.
Thinking back on some of the characters I’ve made, I can definitely see room for chaos. To name a few:
Stray is my NG Half-Elf Rogue who is Barrister by day and vigilante by night (didn’t have a grasp of the Vigilante class at the time and prefer Unchained Rogue). She knows how to behave in polite society even if it rankles her, but she often took advantage of Prestidigitation’s 1 hour duration to make some subtle pranks with it after pre-casting and she’d quite enjoy stirring trouble for the E-aligned members of high society.
Marina is my LG Undine Magus, sweet lady, but not very sociable with rock-bottom Charisma I flavored as her being a wall flower. She’s not the problem, she’s perfectly polite and, while likely rankled by folks treating her as a curiosity, would be well behaved and patient with ending conversations to avoid faux pas. She even takes to heavy, concealing clothing in contrast to most Undines, so there’s no dress code violation. The only things to set her off is unlikely to happen (harming her familiar/friends, or calling her ‘Son of a Gun’; look up the origin of it. Latent outsider blood in her elven family appeared with her, her father is a sailor out to sea often, you can imagine the rumors she had to deal with).
The problem with Marina is her Familiar, an African Gray Parrot named Breeze, who often serves as her mouthpiece due to her softspoken nature and having actually higher Charisma than her. Since she’d likely have to do a lot of talking, whether she wanted to or not, that would mean bringing Breeze as a necessary intermediary- and he is very much a pot stirrer, who doesn’t always remember to differ his comments from the ones he’s relaying from Marina, and while he CAN rein it in on her request (he knows what she can handle and does genuinely adore her even if he loves to mess with her), he might let something slip if some stuffy noble insults her or him.
Sarah and Eliza, a human and an elven wizard (wives fluff-wise, Instructor archetype wizard and cohort mechanically), would have some issues. The latter is aloof and naturally suspect acting even if she’s calm and thoughtful, and the former is brash and blunt from her childhood (daughter of a pirate captain, became an adventurer, her childhood was not kind to her). Eliza is more likely to be the one to cause trouble, interestingly, due to her being very overprotective of her wife (she was adopted by a human farming family and outlived them, and thus has an unhealthy degree of codependency on Sarah out of fear of losing her), while Sarah is good at identifying when she can get away with a smart comment due to history.
I find it hard to believe Cleric would be as reckless as to spill perfectly good beer, outside of as part of a Dwarven custom.
Which of the PCs started the fire, though?
It was always burning, since the world’s been turning.
My standard “divine spellcaster what keeps the party on track and collateral damage to a minimum” would probably be at least minimally successful at etiquette-ing his way around a noble gala…as long as he isn’t constantly sidetracked by keeping the party tank away from the buffet or whatever.
My characters that aren’t that tend to be pretty weird (misplaced shonen heroes, cloudcuckoolander octopus witches, humorously stoic frankenstein androids, little girls that turn into bears, that sort of thing). So in that case, I’d take the opportunity to indulge in what makes my character weird without having to worry about whether doing so is going to get in anyone else’s way. Odds are, if my adventuring party is at a party party, we’re gonna crash it.
Is that a (un)fortunate wrinkle on that dress, or is Thief sporting some CR20 badonk?
Part of it’s probably her tail. Is that part of the badonkadonk?
Most of my favorite PCs (That I have played) are all people who would be pretty at home at a Gala. There are however two who would be an absolute wonder to play at them. Both from Pathfinder games.
The first would be my swashbuckler, from an evil campaign. Chaotic Evil and born to nobility that she didn´t respect, her entire deal was being that one incredibly annoying family member who ruins every social occasion. So we are talking sabotaging the food, drinking too much, starting to loudly brew her own coffee in the middle of a speech and dueling everyone who complains to the death. If no one complains, then she is just going to start a duel on her own. She was the Ifrit Bastard of the last Matriach, and sister to current heads of the family. Due to the fact that her efreet Father was an important connection for the family, as well as the fact that she would outlive all her human siblings, they were unable to simply deal with her. So she was too important to kill, too loud to ignore and too deadly to block. So a fair amount of our dealings with her family included them trying to deal with her, while the party used the distraction to do their business in peace.
The other was my goblin rogue, who would spend the entire evening trying to sell people loose cigarettes, try to buy or sell children (And other family members) in return for more cigarettes and just in general be a very insistent and inappropriate nuisance. Like trying to sell the people on the dance floor cheap watches.
It took me a few seconds to find Wizard. Her hair is the same color as the curtains.
Usually the drapes match the carpet.
If a competent party does all this, what faux pas does an incompetent one do?
Our standards for competence are pretty low if they include someone as lucky as Thief and as professional as Fighter.
The Evil Party probably would have done pretty well, especially before Antipaladin left. (He couldn’t curb the others’ mischief, but he’d bring the group average up.)
Barbarian would be less actively malicious than Fighter, Oracle less drunk, and I highly doubt Paladin and Sorcerer would make out at dinner. So I put them a hair above the main party.
The Bounty Hunter party…probably doing better now that a demon is possessing their cat. But Inquisitor could stay fancy if her mission depended on it, and Ranger certainly isn’t going to say anything shameful. They might be the best party guests, even with Magus’s original soul.
So yeah, the main party might actually be the worst at a—wait, I forgot the dragon party.
*Oracle less dunk than Cleric, that clause was important.
Declaring war on the host is poor manners if do before supper 🙂
Yeah, declarations of war should generally be kept for closing remarks.
“It’s been such a lovely evening. The food was delicious. Our armies will be at your doorstep by tomorrow at noon. Oh! Almost forgot my coat.”
That is but the polite thing to do 😀
Well my current Blades character, Ink, would probably actually be there to do the socializing. But…. she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to get any interested parties hooked on her gang’s weird mix of penny dreadfuls/spirit essence fueled drugs. Or steal any stray artifacts, banned artworks, or illegal books that the crew can sell.
And if a body *does* happen to drop she’ll be sure to try and pry the ghost right out of it and bottle it for later use in her ghost transmutation ritual.
But aside from that she’d be an excellent dinner guest. 😉
Minoto mostly wouldn’t start anything intentionally, unless the party was being hosted by a Necromancer, but as a combination of being from a fairly distant area and the unintentional creepiness she has because of being a Blood Hunter, she might start something accidently. That or she’d go along with something the Tabixi of the group were doing, and cause problems that way.
Kraaj (half-orc inquisitor of Desna): does everything he can to avoid the gala. Probably hawks the ticket unless someone else in the party has a scheme that needs going off at the time and place.
Jeskic (lizardfolk hunter): “dresses up” in his fanciest feathers and actual pants, prowls the buffet all night long. Doesn’t initiate any conversations, does -start- any fights unless someone’s really asking for it, probably makes everyone nervous because 6 feet (hunched over) of murderlizard is right there and why isn’t anyone removing it?
Rayna of Clan Midnight Sun (current char, triton barbarian): groans, grumbles, carefully unpacks the fancy dress mother made sure was tucked into her pack, does a round of refresher on etiquette, grumbles some more, ignores the gobsmacked expressions on the faces of the rest of the party. Being the daughter of the chieftan has some -annoying- responsibilities, but it do come in handy every so often.
Lulu Vreendess, Chaotic Good-ish/Chaotic Neutral-ish Gnomeborn Changeling Witch.
Lulu would definitely get drunk, and her small size would see it happen quickly. Then she’d climb among the desserts, likely going at them face-first, and scooping extra eclairs into the bag of holding for later.
One of my characters is an exiled noble currently in the country her family was exiled from. So she wouldn’t want to cause drama, but it would be caused for her the second someone notices who she is…
In the immortal words of the drunken master:
https://goat.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Jackie-Chan-I-dont-want-trouble.gif
Honorable mention goes to my kender ranger Aurora, who likes being on her very best impeccable behavior during formal events, just so she can watch everyone else be nervous wrecks for no reason all night.
But my current favorite is my hexbard Quinn, who is, in fact, the fifth child of a petty king. They are also agender and generally present as androgynous. But once, with the enthusiastic help of two of their brothers and most of the girls at court, they went to a formal ball dolled up in the most exquisite gown, jewelry, and makeup they could get their hands on, to get back at their oldest sister for being a general terror around the court.
There’s nothing like the moment the woman who’s second in line for the throne realizes all these eligible princes and noblemen are paying more attention to her younger sibling than her. Quinn paid dearly for that stunt, but they will forever treasure Pili’s expression that night.
What is the roll for a makeover check?
Of the three PCs I’m currently playing, if they were invited to a gala affair:
My LE war-criminal Hobgoblin Artillerist Artificer would politely decline.
My LG heroic Dwarf Commander Warlord would probably treat any party like a Dwarven party: Drinkin’, singin’, and fightin’.
My TN creepy Halfling Fiend Int-lock would probably try and recruit people into the Daemon ~~Yugoloth~~ pyramid-scheme pact he’s in.
Banrae Ledaal, Fire-Aspect Dragon-Blood, invited to a House Cynis gala and unable to honorably decline.
Banrae probably first raises eyebrows by showing up in armor and a military uniform, complete with daiklave. But that on its own wouldn’t be that big a deal. No, the real trouble starts when Banrae discovers that some of the stuff House Cynis serves is strong enough to actually get him drunk (Banrae has exceptional resistance to drugs and poisons even by Exalted standards, so getting him drunk requires something quite out of the common way) and gets into a (literally) flaming row with some of the other guests, yelling at them for wasting the Dragon’s Blood by hanging around the capital going to parties instead of going out to the Threshold and fighting to subdue the barbarians and hold back the Fae and other Anathema.
Scefsa, Gnomish Divine Sorceror.
Bringing your pet bunny rabbit to a fancy party is really *not* done, even if she is your familiar. Especially if you insist on keeping her in your lap and feeding her fruits and veggies off your plate.