Not the couple I’d have expected for the interspecies dating comic, but I guess it goes to show. Bards have their own ways of dealing with dragons. And the question, “Where do half-dragons come from?” is one you need never ponder again.

Of course, landing a wyrm is easier said than done. If you happen to be a traveling troubadour tasked with saving the kingdom from burnination, then there are a couple of important points you need to keep in mind.

  1. Never ask a dragon her age category. That way lies incineration. Besides, if you can’t tell from a quick Knowledge check, does it really matter?
  2. Don’t move too fast. It may activate her predatory instincts.
  3. Take the initiative. If she goes first in combat you’re literal toast.
  4. Be confidant. Confidence is attractive no matter the species, but especially so when your date can smell your fear. Pick up some WIS buffs if you have to. Anything to keep from failing your save against her frightful presence. Surveys show that is the #1 turnoff across all chromatic and metallic dragons.
  5. Don’t do all the talking. If things go well, there will be plenty of time to sing your own praises on future dates. If you do notice some awkward lulls in conversation, try asking some questions. Remember: no dragon can resist the fascination of riddling talk.
  6. Pick up the bill. This one might be controversial in this day and age, but hoards remain extremely important in traditional dragon culture. Making her choose between you and her nest egg is a rookie mistake.
  7. Avoid the “dragon slayer” conversation. You’re not impressing anybody, and nobody wants to hear about your exes.
  8. Choose the location. Somewhere you’re comfortable (read: a spot where she doesn’t have access to lair actions) is preferable. If things go south, at least you won’t be dodging magma eruptions as well as breath attacks.
  9. Compliment her. She put a lot of work into that Charisma score, and definitely did not step out of the lair looking like the incarnation of flame and death by accident. Let her know that you noticed.
  10. Communication is magic. So is your actual magic, but remember: if she catches you casting charm monster that’s the end of the relationship (and very likely your life). Don’t be afraid to rely on your natural Persuasion abilities. It’s just as effective, and ultimately far safer.

That’s all the dragon dating advice from yours truly. So for today’s discussion question, what do you say we throw it open to all the other bards out there? What’s your go-to tactic for diplomatically dealing with dragons? Give us your best tips and tricks down in the comments!


ADD SOME NSFW TO YOUR FANTASY! If you’ve ever been curious about that Handbook of Erotic Fantasy banner down at the bottom of the page, then you should check out the “Quest Giver” reward level over on The Handbook of Heroes Patreon. Twice a month you’ll get to see what the Handbook cast get up to when the lights go out. Adults only, 18+ years of age, etc. etc.