We’ve all been there. It’s been a taxing day in the dungeon, and you’re ready for your richly-deserved hero’s welcome back in town. So naturally, when you rock up to the Thorpeshireville gates only to get an earful about some local tax on horseshoes, you react poorly. Maybe the local customs official is an unreasonable sort. Maybe you gave him too much of a love tap. Now you’ve got a body on your hands, and you can hear the local constabulary about to round the corner. It’s moments like these that separate the career criminals from the petty thugs.

Whether you’re a highly skilled contract killer or (like Barbarian) an overenthusiastic barroom brawler, it pays to know how to handle a cleanup. This is where your Disguise checks and Bluff checks will come into play. Access to sculpt corpse or similar evidence disposal methods can also go a long way. A certain knowledge of modern policing helps, so it’s oftentimes expedient to remove your victim’s jawbone. If you’re high enough level, you can opt to flashy thing the witnesses, and if you’re rich enough or noble enough you can usually get away with bribery. But no matter how poor you are, there’s always the classic “Plan B” of arson. Nothing covers your tracks quite like cleansing flames!

The thing is, none of these methods are foolproof. An enterprising sleuth might find the jawbone. A witness might ace their flashy-thing save. A signet ring might escape the inferno. In all of these cases, it behooves a good murderhobo to grin and bear it when the voice of God comes down with a, “Stop right there criminal scum!” Breaking in-game law has in-game consequences, and even the best-laid plans will often etc. etc. All you can do is play the odds, and try to be clever enough to get away with it.

So in the interest of stacking those odds in our favor, what do you say we spend today’s discussion sharing tips and tricks for hiding in-game evidence? When the jig is up and you’re about to be discovered, how do you divert blame? What trump cards do you play? Let’s hear all about your best criminal cover-ups down in the comments!


ADD SOME NSFW TO YOUR FANTASY! If you’ve ever been curious about that Handbook of Erotic Fantasy banner down at the bottom of the page, then you should check out the “Quest Giver” reward level over on The Handbook of Heroes Patreon. Twice a month you’ll get to see what the Handbook cast get up to when the lights go out. Adults only, 18+ years of age, etc. etc.