Poor Monk. Nobody told him that unarmored defense allows you to wear more than a diaper. Happily, the choice to go sans iron underpants is equally straightforward for well-informed shoppers like you and me.

If you’re a monk, then the question of armor is a dull-as-dirt optimization problem. So much so that, when I went to google “5e monk guides” to make sure I wasn’t missing something, the top result offered a single line in the “monk armor” category. I’ll quote the section in full:

Monks need armor even less than Wizards.

TLDR: You lose access to martial arts, fast movement, and your Wisdom modifier to AC when you try to impersonate Fighter. So unless you’re up to some extraordinarily niche multiclassing shenanigans, there’s not much reason to try and make it work.

That leaves us with a lingering question: If the mechanics are uninteresting, what is there left to talk about today? Well unclog your imagination pipe and get your old pal Fieri Dragon on the phone, because the answer takes us straight to Flavortown.

You see, there’s a reason that the phrase “dope monk shit” has its own t-shirt. There are few character concepts with a better catalogue of backflips, wall-running, parkour, and over-the-top combat maneuvers. Maybe it’s the Exalted player in me, but nothing makes me a happier gamer than a well-described monk stunt. That’s why, If I’m piloting a monk, you better believe I’ma describe myself standing atop errant sword strikes like Pai Mei. Your low-level mook just missed? Great! I’ll have you know that I didn’t even spill my tea. And even if I did get tagged by your big bad, just you wait until my next turn! I’m planning the world’s most elaborate kip-up to make up for my lost hit points.

So for today’s discussion, let’s talk unarmored defense flavor! An enemy has just biffed an attack against you. What dope monk shit did you do to make ’em miss? Give us your best defensive stunt work down in the comments!


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