Horse Rolls
Long-time readers may recall Bill the ability toucan. Poor little dude was a living magic item who could confer ability score bonuses upon his owner… so long as he remained perched on their shoulder. While I’m happy to report that Bill has since recovered from his encounter with cloudkill, subsequent reincarnation into a rainbow-colored rabbit, and re-deadening thanks to a failed save vs. unholy blight, he remains my icon for inconvenient animal companions.
You see, even if they’re non-magical minions or mundane pets intended as cosmetic items, creatures still have weight in a game world. They can trigger traps, fall prey to hostile environments, and suffer the consequences of AoE effects. And even if you and your GM have a gentleman’s agreement in place (e.g. “If your pet doesn’t participate in combat, I won’t target them in combat.”) critters have a way of remaining active elements of the game world. They exert narrative force within fiction, meaning that they can act and be acted upon. This can come as a shock depending on circumstance. Stop me if you’ve heard any of these before.
“You saved. What about your mount?”
“You made your Stealth check. What about your familiar?”
“You’re under the weight limit. But can that broom lift your pet?”
“20 sp should cover your fare. Are you leaving your retainers on shore?”
“You manage to make it up the cliff. Your horse looks plaintively up at you from below.”
You see the pattern. These creatures may recede into the background during regular play, but they have a way of showing up when it matters most for the story.
So for today’s discussion, why don’t we talk about all those suddenly-inconvenient companions? Because even if Bill is enjoying his retirement as re-reincarnated ability eagle, I suspect that the rest of you folks out in Handbook-World have hangers-on of your own. Tell us about the time you suddenly remembered their inconvenient existence. Was it fair ball, or did your GM happen to recall your NPC companions at the least convenient moment? Whether your tale features arrowed unicorns or exploded toucans, tell it to us down in the comments!
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A 37 in Stealth? In full armour?
Wow, even with the cloak, Fighter is ROCKING that Bugbear heritage.
( I still see Fighter as a shaved Bugbear. Join me on this hill and fight me. 😉 )
I’d say that whatever his heritage, Fighter is above all a Munchkin Powergamer. And one of the core abilities of such a character is having whatever ability buffs they damn well please. No scores are impossible to them. ;p
Who knows what rules govern the physics of Handbook-World? I can only point out that invisibility gives you +20 to Stealth while moving through Golarion. Maybe they use something similar?
So there we were, we four, deep in the nightmarish realm of the Seeping Woods. Hailee, Ritterthorn, Deyis, and myself – Arinen Blayke. Ah; I forget myself. We *five* – my valiant griffon steed Pinion was with us also, of course!
We were the realm’s greatest heroes, but we were half-spent, having failed in our first attempt at a most daring robbery of Yeenoghu’s own flail, the chains of which we needed (so we were told) for a binding spell on the demon lord. Now, we were being hunted, by the most fearsome hunter of them all.
We reckoned we could still pull it off, on a second try, if only we could get to Yeenoghu without being piled upon by his minions, but stealth was not our strength, even when we’d taken the precaution to cloak our scent.
As the “outriders” of the hunting pack closed in on us, in a rocky defile, we grew nervous. We had a means to flee still, a plane-shift; but that would mean almost no chance of returning here in time. We decided to lay low, try to shake our pursuers and make a second strike on the demon lord himself.
“OK, I still have invisibility sphere,” Hailee assured us, as the DM advised of the impending gnoll hunters. “If they can’t see us they’ll probably go right on by.”
We though that a good expenditure of a simple, low-level spell, and agreed. Those old veterans among us will remember that in 3E, this spell could last hours when cast by a level 20+ bard, which Hailee was. The demon prince himself would certainly ignore our illusion, but it could carry us all the way up to him undetected. At Hailee’s request, we gathered ’round.
Veterans of 3E will also remember that the range on the invisibility sphere was a meagre 10′, and any part of a creature outside that range would be visible.
“Ilmari,” the DM asked me, matter-of-fact. “How large is Pinion?”
I look at my sheet. “15′ long,” I say, just as it dawns on me. “Wingspan 30′” I remember specifically how my griffon grew larger a few months’ play ago, as his stats were improved to match our own epic status. “But… he’s tucking his wings in, of course?” I grimace.
“So, two gnollish champions are approaching from your right, both atop giant, mutated hyaenas. They’re moments away from spotting you. you’re all invisible – except for the arse-end of a huge griffon sticking out of your bubble.”
Panic sweeps around the table (I played at a table in those days!). Hailee suggests that we just plane-shift, now – she’s the only strictly *good* member of the party, with a player to match. Deyis and Ritterthorn counterbalance that by playing the devil on my shoulder. Deyis flat-out says that she will hit Hailee if she tries cast a plane-shift.
“The gnolls will be on you in a moment. You can see one of them carries a hunting horn, the sort of which you’ve been hearing throughout the chase so far.”
I look to Pinion, my faithful steed and friend, who I raised from a hatchling. I think of all the times I’ve taken in-character moments to cozy up with him, feed him, tell him he’s my best friend. He trusts me unconditionally.
I look at my companions, glaring at me, and think “eyes on the prize”.
“Pinion,” I tell him, earnestly. “Fly as far and as fast as you can in, well, *that* direction.” and I point away. “And… start squawking loudly after ten seconds”.
My valiant friend takes off on great white wings, and the hunters wheel to follow him. The other players erupt – all talking about what an asshole I am, though for two of them, it is actually approving.
We did, in the end, succeed in our quest. Pinion, though – while he could outrun his pursuers almost indefinitely – could never get back to us in time for our hasty, plane-shifting escape.
Vale Pinion, gone but never forgotten.
Well hey, that’s a new quest waiting to happen. A little interplanar scrying, some additional planeshifting, and you’ve got yourself a rescue mission going! You might even get a plane-touched steed as a reward!
Now there would have been a fine idea! Though alas we never tried it, and it’s been now fifteen years since I last saw Pinion winging away into the ruddy abyssal skies. Perhaps when I write another campaign in the Great Wheel setting, I can give the old boy a second chance.
I wonder what sort of plane-touching the abyss would do to the poor creature, though… :\
Those archers must really hate equines if they’d shoot an innocent, harmless, mild-mannered unicorn. It’s not like a vigilante unicorn killed their bandit mom/dad.
Exactly! That was clearly the avenging horse-themed humanoid superhero Horsepower.
At least Lumberjack Explosion gets some cool scars to impress Elf Princess with. Or a cutie mark.
On a side note, how did the unicorn end up with that odd name?
Way, WAY back when:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-handbook-of-heroes-09
^ Yeah that.
I don’t think he’d appreciate a special talent for getting shot. (Surviving shots, that’s a different matter…)
Ya now, with the addition of Snowflake, we’re getting dangerously close to having enough equine NPCs for a one-shot. If you Toss Vincenzo into the mix…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM
…And maybe Brick to round out the party…
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/setting-up-the-charge
…We’ve got enough to play Ponyfinder already.
You could always throw in that Kelpie from the Irish themed comics. Snowflake might still have their number. Otherwise, I’d totally be down for the addition of a Pegasus npc to round out the equines. Or a Nightmare. Or both. Bounty Hunter and Evil team don’t have steeds, so there’s always that.
I don’t think Snowflake kept that dude’s number. Not her type.
Druid can also take on her horse form to join the party. I originally considered Arcane Archer could play the Spike of the group (staying in fox form) but then I remembered Pug. Pug for the Spike of these dnd elements of harmony.
I was going to suggest Allie should join in.
I was in a campaign recently where my friend had something worst than a porclein pet that granted boons. He had a “required” porclein pet that didn’t grant anything.
We were playing Warhammer Fantasy 4e (WH4) and my friend bought a horse as a trapping for his next tier (getting the trappings of the next career tier is a requirement in WH if you want to ascend). But he didn’t have any calvary skills. So he couldn’t use it in combat without risking it’s neck. And the rest of the party didn’t have a horse. So it’s not like the party moved any faster overland with it.
Worst, the party would go into areas that made having a horse an hinderance. Rugged mountain terrain, boats, sewers, etc.
But I’ll give him credit. He never got rid of the horse. Even when we changed systems (not settings) and he didn’t need the horse anymore, he kept his pet tax.
Was the horse ever useful? Like… Couldn’t you at least use it as a pack mule?
Not that I could recall.
But I do it remember it being an extra tax on me as well. I was the wizard and once we converted to the new system I could teleport the party. Unfortunately the party included that bloody horse. So I’d have to fork over the extra power to teleport him. Lol!
Reminds me of the horses in Mordheim. They cost a bloody fortune, give you a measly +1 to armor save, and then increase your chances of being hit.
Of course, one can’t forget that the opposite is also possible…
https://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/102221076305/dm-heavy-sigh-the-people-of-the-bar-hear-a
Comic related: https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2012/11/02/assassins-steed
One of my favorite things to inflict on my players is “Racoon”. A scraggly racoon they stumble across, who begs for food. If they feed it, it then attaches itself to the party and they get to find out how much chaos a racoon just being itself can cause. Even attached it to a group is was running during an RPGA tournament at GenCon many, many years ago.
You a cruel being of supreme power and unlimited malice. GJ. Keep it up.
I had a player who was a sorcerer, and loved to use his familiar to do things like give the help action, or to feed him a healing potion if he was unconscious. There were rules for this, but it quickly became annoying. So I gave him the “Familiars who arent in the familiar pocket are valid targets for AoEs and monsters” talk and he has subsequently gone through many a familiar as I blast the party with dragon’s breath, fireballs, and all sorts of whatever nasty effects I felt like that day. I think once she died to a friendly fire cone of cold.
Anyway, the moral of this story is dont fluff your familiar to be the reincarnated spirit of your dead mom watching over you then send her into combat to die over and over again.
At least Mom got to hang out in Valhalla with Viigar:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/unfamiliar
Our fighter’s player (even before 5e’s Lifestyle Expenses shortcut) would always toss a few brass coins from his dice bag and declare “Sir Jack pays for horses” (or beer, or lodging, etc.) whenever it was convenient to speed the plot of the evening. Consequently, most of the table saw mounts as invisible, disposable equipment (except Druid, who summoned his own rides). One fight caught my halfling Rogue’s pony in the AoE of a Web spell and a subsequent Burning Hands. Everyone was prepared to move on, but I refused–I demanded that Cleric cast one of our few Cure Wounds spells to heal the pony before we moved one inch. There was division at the table, but ultimately Barbecue the faithful pony received a new name and the much-needed healing from Cleric.
Our gaming group featured rotating DMs. One DM allowed us to keep the steeds of the defeated avatars of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Barbarian got Pestilence’s Nightmare, (Greek-themed) Cleric got Famine’s Greater Pegasus, Ranger got War’s sorrel stallion, etc. In a later adventure, the party had to cross a scorching desert with a lake of glass. Conditions were worse than Death Valley, and environmental hazards, fatigue, and exposure rules were in play. It was suggested that the two party members with flying mounts scout ahead. The nightmare was summoned and, being a hell-beast, felt right at home in the 130+ degree heat. The pegasus, however, was another story. The DM invoked the description “Some are able to speak a few words in Common or Celestial. They are fully aware of their superiority over common horses and pegasi, and […] only allow themselves to be ridden by great heroes.” –The pegasus took one look as the hostile conditions, uttered a few choice profanities to the numbskull who summoned him, and promptly vanished back to Olympus until next session.
My son’s Samurai rescued a donkey and cart from the module The Standing Stone (a largely throwaway introductory encounter–no stats provided). The donkey, now named Akira, has been deemed a survivor and is now a key feature of the swordsman’s mystique. As DM, I sometimes have to refigure travel times–Oriental Adventures often assumes that you are either walking from village to village or riding a majestic warhorse. In his case, he is either traveling via a donkey cart (pulled by a happy donkey wearing Horseshoes of Speed) or walking (usually when the module expects horseback) because he refuses to intentionally lead the little donkey into dangerous situations.
Pegasus: “Nope.” lol
I always approve of players who acknowledge the ‘narrative weight’ of their fictional companions. The donkey could have been discarded, but now it’s a major part of the adventure. That’s good clean fun.
My group has a few pets, companions, familiars, and other non-represented-by-a-mini minions.
Our wizard has a flying snake familiar (that has at any given time also been a spider, a raven, an octopus, and even a giant crab… which is not as giant as the name would imply) and before her familiar, she had a seagull that used to just sort of follow her around (background feature “pet”)
Our druid has TWO bags of tricks which can produce up to three beasts a day (and she has used them frequently, mostly for the mount options)
Our bard has one pseudodragon familiar, and one former familiar that was freed and stuck around because of the story (an imp that was originally following her and reporting back to a greater fiend that we took care of… in an infernal legal battle XD )
Our rogue/ranger picked up a flying cat from a wizard who had a small flock/pack of the things annoying him in his tower and was happy to get rid of it.
And my own character, a forgeborn monk, has a clockwork pigmy snow owl that I wind up every morning and by night it winds down to “sleep”.
Each of these silly, cute, weird, and disturbing in some cases creatures have one thing in common… they all “run” from combat!
Obviously, the familiars can be used in combat, technically (and early on, they actually were, when it was useful for them to be used, before our spell casters got so powerful we have not had a use for a familiar in a long time), but generally speaking they are “forgotten” in most situations we get into and the simple and easy explanation that everyone agrees to is that as soon as combat starts, the animals, familiars, companions, and otherwise, flee as fast as their tiny little legs, wings, or what-have-you will carry them away to “somewhere safe” while we bigger HP folks fight it out.
Being creatures that are mostly autonomous, they have the capability to stay of run at their own volition, and they run because what else is a squirrel supposed to do?! And that is the simple resolution to the equation. They are there when we “need them”, there to be cute, there when it makes for good story moments, but gone when we forget about them, gone when they need to be, and gone when they might otherwise be turned to paste or worse.
Fun fact: they ARE modeled on our minis, tho we only have virtual minis because this is not an in person game, so we rarely actually forget about them, but we don’t really “bother” with having to describe what they are doing during emergent situations… because of the above perpetual agreement 🙂
Go for the nuts, obviously.
Also, I am very much here for Catwings:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catwings
How did I never know that the greatest author ever wrote a series of childrens’ books about winged cats? If ever I still manage to have kids, they simply *must* be raised on these. Heck, I need them for myself!
Our latest Pathfinder 1e game features a Samurai and a Witch in the party, and the Magus bought a horse with starting cash so that we’d have two mounts and could ride overland, two to each horse.
While Benny the Bat has so far never gotten in the way, Khan and Coconut, the horses, have needed occasional accommodation. From stabling fees, to the simple issue of having to bring them into the first room of the dungeon to get them out of a rainstorm, to the fact that large sized creatures take up more space, and so the horse’s butt is sometimes in the spot that my Slayer wanted to move into. The fact that we have horses with us definitely changes the feeling of the party and how we play.
On the positive side of things, the horses effectively give everyone really good movement speed. I’m the most likely to dismount in battle and climb up a tree or something, so it affects me the least, but the ability to withdraw 100 ft. instead of 60 ft. is a boon for the frail casters, and effectively ignoring the movement speed penalty from heavy armor is useful for our Samurai. Also, mounted lance charges do extra damage in this edition. A lot of extra damage!
And that’s a good thing. After all, it gives you access to exciting new catchphrases.
https://www.teepublic.com/hoodie/12600126-ariel-ookla-ride-thundarr-the-barbarian
Way back in Living Greyhawk I was running a table for a player who had built his character to have as many animals as possible. At the end of the adventure, they fought a ghost who was throwing around Cause Wounds spells as rays at will and was (unbeknownst to the party) being remotely controlled by an 18th level wizard. Guess who was very, very upset when the ghost ignored the cannon fodder animal companions that couldn’t hurt it and obliterated the familiar who was flying around in combat.
A wizard i played got a snake familiar. To carry around he got his snake wrapped around his chest under his clothes. To speak to him it just peeked from the collar of his robes and stayed inside his hood. Being a snake it was handy since it got cold blood and needed the heat. My wizard was his warming rock or more correctly warming chest 🙂
I haven’t had any really bad moments with my pet classes yet, outside of a single death in a battle. (And I was a Hunter that already had the spell to raise him.) Though I’m guessing I’m going to have GMs go after my bard’s baby wyvern once I figure out the feats I need to make it so I can take said baby wyvern into battle. (Why do GMs give players a baby wyvern as a pet and make it so hard to actually use?)
I had a situation like this just last weekend. The party is making their way through some mountains, and needed to cross a deep chasm missing its rope bridge. They spent quite a bit of time discussing detours, spells, and dodgy crossbow shenanigans, before settling on a pretty basic plan involving a bunch of rope and a ranger with a climbing speed.
“That sounds like a good plan… But what about Flower?”
*surprised Pikachu face*
This was no mere horse, or weasel familiar. The party has a pet triceratops (secretly a polymorph-cursed archdruid) who’s been tagging along for several adventures now. Mostly she carries their disintegration cannon. There have been many, many times when I failed to remember her – narrow corridors, city streets, buying passage on a ferry, etc. So I felt pretty good about remembering her in a more important scenario, and the “oh shit” look on the party’s faces was priceless.
size was ever an issue. my magus had a divine treant companion and when he hit Huge category anything indoors was an issue. oh sure when we are in town he can root himself outside the inn in the yard but going inside any building/dungeon/castle/thing? no go. i was able to ride in his canopy though (i know we talked about Mobile Archery Platforms in this comic before :p) we also had issues healing him (cure spells didn’t work) and we eventually used the custom magic item creation rules to make almost an artifact to heal him once a day. so glad the successor has his offspring as a sentient staff, way easier to get around with. we had horses and a wagon for the early levels also to accommodate us and traveling with our stuff, and the npc pirate captain of course had his ship so he had to deal with docking fees when we were adventuring overland and paying his crew etc etc. most of that stuff cleared up afetr teleport spell access thankfully, and we actually got the ship and crew making money for us on the side!
some other characters with animal companions or similar haven’t had much issue, once played a druid and my black panther pet was definitely better than me at most things XD. also once played a paladin with a young silver dragon mount and a pc used a wish spell to age him to great wyrm so……..yeah.
i do have a plan to play a halfling hunter though so we shall see how her herding dog handles things if the campaign ever starts!
Oh, one amusing thing I just remembered. In 3.5, you can hide someone other than yourself at a -30 penalty. The benefit for being both invisible and stationary is +40. So if you need to hide your friend, just turn invisible and stand in front of them, shielding them from sight with your invisible body.
With a happy ending, Bill has since recovered from his encounter with cloudkill, when I read the previous chapters I was very worried for Bill. Trigger traps, fall prey to hostile environments, and suffer the consequences of AoE effects. that was also something that scared me but luckily all the pets were fine. Also in my opinion GM happen to recall your NPC companions at the least convenient moment is the time you suddenly remember their inconvenient existence. Horse Rolls is my favorite manga series and have been following each series for quite some time now. Now that it’s over, I feel like I’ve lost a soul mate.
So, way way back in the early days of the campaign that I’m running, the party acquired a cart and some horses rather than be dependent upon merchant caravans. It has now been disassembled and reassembled twice, as they realise that it won’t fit whole onto a ship or into a wizard’s tower, but refuse to leave it behind, and most recently it was banged about quite nastily during a teleport. I’d say that it’s about 90% wood, 10% residual magic from mending holding it together, and it’s not anything like level or cuboid.
The teleport, of course, was to make sure that the paladin’s retainer could catch up to the party. The party had travelled halfway across the continent through a demiplane without magic, which meant that the warforged retainer couldn’t follow without going into power-saving mode and rebooting. To avoid forcing that upon xim, the paladin went with the party until they knew where they were, went back, and then hired a wizard to teleport them with cart and horses back again.
Hirable wizards are the natural result of remembering your horse exists. GJ.
+40 to your advantage if you are invisible and motionless at the same time. Hence, if you feel the need to conceal a buddy, you should make yourself invisible and then step in front of them.
So you’re telling me that if I’m invisible, my enemies can see straight through me to the other side.
Therefore, if I want to hide a second person, I have to stand in front of them…?
Selective invisibility sounds like a high level spell. I’m not sure that’s how the basely invisibility spell works though.