This one is a variation on theme. Way back in the day is was Fighter flaking out on the game. Then Thief had to make do short-handed. Then it was Wizard’s turn. Then etc. And also etc. And you begin to get the point. The perpetual boss of RPGs is a little thing called scheduling conflicts. And it is seldom a more harrowing when your buddies lie to your face.
We’re talking, “Yeah, man. I’ll be there,” in the morning, followed by, “Sorry, bro. Something came up,” in the afternoon. That mess is straight up cruel. Which may have a little something to do with it being Evil Party dealing with this particular problem.
Today’s blog is a short one because the message is simple. Things really do come up. likes You probably aren’t going to call your friends out for flaking last minute if it’s a once-in-a-blue-moon sort of thing. But when you begin to see a recurring pattern, it can be awfully discouraging for the rest of the party.
So here’s the question for today’s discussion! Have you ever realized a fellow player straight up did not value your time? Did you call ’em out, or did you let them quietly fade from the group? Whatever your tale of mendacity and two-faced trickery, tell us all about it down in the comments!
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12 to 4? quite an marathon, or that’s what I thought before remwmbered where the authos is, it’s in anglo time and it’s 4:30 pm and not am, unless the person behing witch is sensible one
Used to do that with a previous gaming group. We couldn’t get together all that frequently — every month or two — so instead ran with _long_ sessions… from early afternoon to early morning.
Couldn’t do that now… late nights fueled by caffeine and pizza were a thing during my teens and twenties, but not such a fan of that these days.
When I was graduating college, my group decided to play for a full week straight for our last hurrah. We made it… 2 and a half days before throwing in the towel and watching MST3K. Now, I get tired after about 3 hours!
As I’ve mentioned before, I game almost exclusively within a group of old friends… some of those friendships go back to elementary school, and all of us have been playing together (if not always in the same combinations) for ten-fifteen years. We’ve had some shorter-term players who have come and gone, but that’s generally been a more transient arrangement anyway.
So that kind of flaky dishonesty just isn’t a thing… if someone’s not feeling motivated for a session or they’re not enjoying a particular campaign, they’ll say so, and we’ll work around it. It’s happened a few times… someone less keen on Lovecraftian stuff might bow gracefully out of a CoC campaign they’re not enjoying, or someone with recurring scheduling issues (usually child related) might take an organised hiatus…
This seems like a nice and communicative way to handle it!
Huh, when I saw the preview of this one I was thinking Witch was concerned the skulduggery might be getting turned on her, and it being a comment on the perils of gratuitously evil teammates. Funny how flexible some of the panels can be.
Honestly, it could go either way! I suspect that your interpretation has happened in the Evil Party more than once.
I haven’t had this kind of situation, more often than not groups just fell apart after a few sessions instead, which is part of why I treasure the groups I am in now so much. Everyone takes it seriously and makes sure to set time in their schedule so we can game regularly. Nothing kills gaming groups and campaigns more than irregularity.
That sounds really nice! Irregularity is definitely a huge hurdle to overcome–I’ve only ever seen a few campaigns that managed to walk that fine line, most do not.
In my experience, irregularity makes people take the scheduled date less seriously (this may be different between groups). It makes it easier for people to screw up and overbook themselves if they don’t have regular gaming nights to plan around. Plus it makes it more clear to other people in the gamers’ lives that this is an important time for them and that they shouldn’t infringe on it.
I’ve had far too many last minute cancels to recall any particular story, so I will instead focus on the opposite!
I’ve got a friend who recently had to miss a session, and she sent me a message a full 24 hours early, and still apologized for the late notice. It was incredible.
That’s very nice! Sometimes things happen, and it’s always appreciated when people let you know in advance.
Never had that come up when we were playing. If the guys had something else going on, then skipping a session or two was fine. I always allowed the character to “hold the horses” (no experience) so they would be in the same place as the rest of the group when they returned. Never had a player just flake on the game without telling me they were going to be gone for an extended amount of time (usually TDY) or were leaving the game for whatever reason (usually PCS). Most of the guys lived in the barracks and we played on base, so it was easy for everyone to get to the game.
Once we retired, it was a bit harder finding people to play and right now all there are available in our area are 5e games. Not dissing on 5e, but having played it for a year under a few DMs, it’s not our style and really didn’t enjoy it enough to stick with it. Also other issues mean I’m not going to be doing online sessions either.
Being in the same place and having the same schedule definitely helps!
Yup, unfortunately I’ve had to deal with this more than once.
The ultimate result was that I stopped playing with the people in question. Or even associating with them at all, in some cases. It’s just… it’s too much headache otherwise. You guys don’t want to play? Fine, then don’t. I’ll find some people who do, eventually.
The problem is that a lot of people see a D&D session as just a hangout with friends. So if last minute you feel like doing something else, then it’s not a big deal right? The remaining people can just hang with each other or whatever.
Except it’s not. It’s fucking not. There’s work that goes into that shit, and no one wants to play somebody else’s character. Bailing last minute is super disruptive and disrespectful.
There are running styles that can be looser with attendance and just go with whoever shows up, but I think these games are then less narrative focused and players are less invested, which leads to… even more spotty attendance. It’s nice whenever people are invested and show up!
Overall my groups are pretty good at communicating in advance. As long as there is communication it’s fine. As a DM I’ve had to cancel a session because of multiple players cancelling last minute. From now on I’ll have a one-shot in my back pocket for the players who are able to make it.
As far as players completely not valuing my time, I’ve only had something like this happen once. We were looking to add a new player to an online campaign. I did a session 0 with him on an off day to get him up to speed, then on game day he didn’t show up or respond. I had prepared for the first in game day to revolve around his character arriving. Thrown off script I had to improvise and jump further ahead in the main story than I had prepped. 10 minutes before the session ended he logged in. I gave him another shot, rewrote the script on how his character was going to get introduced, and he ghosted the second session. ♂️
I got a message from him the next morning with him saying he was sorry but that he was dropping out because it “obviously” wasn’t important enough for him. So, on the top side, he at least had enough introspection to see himself out.
I’m glad he managed to see that it wasn’t working for him, but it’s so frustrating as a GM to put in a lot for a specific player and then have to scrap it on the spot.
For IRL stuff, mostly I’ve just dealt with the “this player isn’t invested in showing up/paying attention” soft of stuff. Not enough “not showing up” to be a pattern by itself, but combined with the other part it was a clear pattern of them not valuing everyone else’s time.
As for play by post, in my experience, people being flaky is the rule rather than the exception. No matter what expected standards are agreed to at game start, a few people would eventually put in less and less time and slow things down to a crawl. People completely ghosting was equally common, which was just as much of a game killer. (Especially if it was the GM, which happened shockingly often.)
I’ve never had to deal with a flaky GM, but there definitely is less of a community expectation for promptness when it comes to play by post RP.
We have weekly sessions. If someone can’t make it, we run another campaign. Even a solo-adventure if needed.
NEVER MISS GAME NIGHT!