Not Feeling It
Appropriately enough, I’m writing today’s blog at 1:00 in the morning the night before it goes live. That’s because it’s finals week. I’ve got papers to read, papers to write, and interactive narrative artifacts to design. I straight up forgot to do my daily blogging duties. But you know what? I think that’s OK.
It’s the same reason I’m allowed to delay running my games for a week (which I just did on Saturday). Even though my GM super-ego is giving me grief about it (I see you there Quest Giver), maintaining a healthy relationship with your hobby is smart play. That might mean skipping the big, heavy-hitting session after a rough week at work, opting for a silly one-shot instead. It might mean breaking out the board games, kicking off a movie night, or simply hanging out with the party rather than swinging swords and rolling dice.
And while I’ll be the first to say that flaking out is far from ideal, I also think it’s occasionally necessary. Just make sure to make the announcement early rather than waiting until the 11th hour. Nobody likes having their weekend plans cancelled at the last minute.
What do the rest of you guys think? When school and work seem overwhelming and RPGs become one more stress rather than a fun way to relax, how do you manage to unwind? And when you do cancel game night, what do you like to replace it with? Let’s hear all about it down in the comments!
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Only volume eight of the rules? Cleric must be refreshing his memory on stuff he read a while ago!
I think a really big, important rule (for me at least) is to not bite off more than you can chew, or overcommit. I only play in one game right now, and the biggest reason I’m not looking for more (because I’d do nothing but play all day every day if given the chance) is that I don’t feel like I can do more than one and while still keeping up with life.
I’ve had players who flake out every week, don’t communicate until two or three hours after start time that they’re not coming. To the point where I’ve uninvited people from that game or, in the case of multiple players doing it, dissolved a game entirely, because I don’t feel like my time spent prepping, waiting, and looking forward to the game is being respected.
That’s not to say I think people should put a game first, just that I think they need to be realistic about their ability to show up, and also that they need to set some reminders or alarms or something if they keep forgetting what day game day is.
And if not everybody can make it, or if people just aren’t feeling it that day, I’d still rather spend the time hanging out with my friends than just… not. Maybe a discord call while some of us do work and some play video games, just to be in the same (virtual) room together.
The game is a vehicle for fun, the method and not the goal in and of itself. I don’t mind switching it up, or even postponing when people are busy (or when I’m busy!), but it really is all about communication.
I am very much with you on the respecting the effort the GM and other players put in. It’s a pretty hefty commitment, especially on the GMs side. I have uninvited players for constant lateness before and honestly it was a great decision.
If one of my group can’t make it, we usually just do our own things. We do meet weekly, though, so we get plenty of chances to chat.
His cartons of ancient Dragon Magazine issues number among his greatest treasures.
I always have Steven Erikson riding around in the back of my head. And it’s rough because I don’t want to give up either:
I feel that! I’m working on my homebrew setting right now and it’s exactly the same feeling as when I’m writing fiction.
Luckily, I don’t have anybody paying me to publish stuff, which combines with the fact that nobody’s actually playing in my setting yet to mean that I can adjust the slider as far in either direction as I want on any given day.
As someone who loved to both hop from project to project and focus on the fun hidden stuff in my setting that won’t come up in general play over the actual meat of the world, this is ideal.
Of course, that doesn’t stop me from coming up with a billion character concepts, never mind the fact that there isn’t enough time in the world to play them all in their own campaigns
It’s an area of (literal) academic interest for me. The essay I’m working on at the moment is about the move from private play to public entertainment , focusing on actual play podcasts as a sort of transition zone. So when you say that developing a homebrew setting is “exactly the same feeling” as writing fiction, I wonder if that’s entirely true.
Somewhere between the urge to create and the intent to publish there seems to be a shift. Your second paragraph is all about the difference between an inwardly directed form of expression and an audience-facing one. That makes me wonder if playing an RPG only starts being “just like writing” when it’s used in the same mode. In other words, does performing a homebrew setting for an audience of players only correspond to writing when you have an intent to publish?
Oh, interesting! I will say, I haven’t published my fiction commercially, what I’ve posted so far has just been free for public consumption.
In the same vein, my setting isn’t currently being worked for publishing, but I’m kind of trying to approach it as if it was—or at least that’s the quality I’m going for, since I’d want to use it long term (and maybe publish one day? I’m leaving my options open).
Of course, I’ve now also been considering writing a book I could actually sell in addition to my just-for-fun stuff, so the shift to doing at least some stuff for money is spread out across the body of my work.
The “luckily” I think was pertaining mostly to hard deadlines, which I’m terrible at approaching with anything other than unconcerned procrastination (at first) and blind, frantic terror (when they get closer)
Look man, you can’t just @ me like this.
If you want to look at setting stuff though (especially in the next 2-3 years), think in terms of 5e. That’s where the market is at. No doubt you already know this stuff, but looking for similar products on DriveThruRPG and DM’s Guild can be a big help when it comes time to structure your notes into a publishable form. When I worked on Veranthea Codex a few years back, you’d better believe there was a copy of Inner Sea World Guide sitting there next to me.
Good luck out there, and happy gaming. 🙂
Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely keep that in mind
Yeah, “flaking out” is just something that happens sometimes. Pre-Covid (i.e with face-to-face gaming), we’d usually just fall back to board games if a player couldn’t make it, or if the GM wasn’t up to running the intended session for whatever reason. These days, it’s more likely to be that we hang out on Discord and chat… maybe play some online board games once we run out of chat.
Any online board games to recommend?
When the DM is incapable of putting in the mental work to run a session or a bunch of the players are AWOL because of that stupid “real life” thing that gets in the way all the time, we typically resort to playing some card games and Smash Bros on our switch. Its incredibly vexing that the one person who doesnt own the game is also the best at it in the group.
We used to play monopoly to retain that adversarial feeling we get between the DM and the players sometimes, but im not allowed to play that anymore because, as the oldest in the group, i have a basic understanding of finance.
I think that losing monopoly repeatedly as a kid is the single biggest reason my dad never wanted to get into gaming. Also:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/recruiting
When the DMs not feeling it or we don’t have the folks to manage that next big session–board games. Traditionally, board games: Avalon Hill stuff or home-created.
In the era of quarantine: woodworking. I’ve been making a ton of wooden swords and wearing out my dremel, but it’s something I can control.
The only time I’ve been super mega disappointed about cancelling in favor of board games was when the group whipped out Talisman. That mess is Sorry with better art.
I have only turned down an offer of playing a tabletop game with my friends once, just this past weekend. I used that Saturday to binge Clone Wars season 7 with my sister instead.
So like… You were feeling bummed out and just needed to chill, or you wanted to spend time on THING MORE AWESOME THAN GAMING?
Wow, timely! Our last sessions was a bust because the DM couldn’t make it (can’t have a game without the DM). Since it is all online, we do not exactly have to worry about wasted gas or time, but it does suck to miss a game at the last minute.
That being said, sometimes a break can be nice. We spent some time chatting among ourselves on Discord before eventually splitting off and doing whatever it is we did (I watched Doctor Who and played The Binding of Isaac).
Of course now the only “problem” is that the itch to play is going to be so much stronger by the time we get to our next game!
This mess is cyclical. The ends of semesters and holiday breaks always make the hobby nuts. Learning to accept that and expect it helps with the disappointment. (And, in my case, with the GM super-ego tapping on the window.)
You know things are bad when you see QG’s eyes.
He and Thief go to the same barber.
Have you ever considered our RPG groups from a sociological perspective? Many of us are introverts who struggle with friends and general human contact. I think our gaming groups replace, or at least fill in the gaps that are missing in our modern world social situations. And if that’s the case, our gaming groups end up with a greater responsibility to each other than merely a night of escapist entertainment.
Most of us game online with each other. Others are too busy to do much of anything other than show up for that. A Demon Lord is still a lord, and when it’s my night to GM, it’s my responsibility to make sure everyone gathered round at the table is enjoying themselves and has their needs addressed. And sometimes those needs involve just giving everyone permission to unwind and decompress.
We all have cool ideas and we want to see our guy do the next cool thing and get to the next part in the story. But I believe in the social contract, and like the proper infernal contract that it doth be, it needs to be honored.
So absolutely. Some nights just need to be hangout time, or do your thing time. The Show Must Go On is important some of the time, but it shouldn’t consume our lives.
Oh BTW. Tell Laurel she is doing great work.
The lady has been informed.
I’d be curious about this one, particularly before and after COVID.
Well, my group maybe more so than most groups is a bunch of hardcore computer technical types. Each of us is a gamer with our own custom built PC. Most of us met playing MMO’s, and over time have discovered that professionally we’re mostly tech types.
So for us, COVID didn’t mean much. But for the rest of the world that doesn’t routinely use the Infinity Window to gaze across and walk within other universes, y’know… things could be a lot different.
We took advantage of the recent Steam sale and about four of us have been playing Dark Souls 3 together, which has been an interesting experience.
as much as I miss my twoisch monthly gaming sessions, playing online is just not for me.
I‘ve had two full day online trainings and a few 4 hour online meetings the last 6 months, Wednesdays is 4 hours of meetings back to back… the thought of doing that on top on a Saturday or Sunday… yeah, no way.
I wonder if there’s a way to separate the physical experience of “being in a teleconference” from “hanging out with my friends virtually?” You’d almost need a second space in your house specifically to unwind.
Oh man, it sucks when it happens, but sometimes someone just isn’t up for an RPG. I try not to, since it tends to be my main social interactions outside of work (plus it’s a dick move, but some days you just don’t have the energy (emotional, mental, or physical) to play. That or real life likes to add complications or surprises that can throw you off. When that happens when we’re online, we switch to Cards Against Humanity or something like that which doesn’t require as much mental energy or focus. It’s gonna be difficult to re-adjust to playing in person again, as that’s less forgiving for when people don’t have the energy to play.
The most essential thing though is to try to avoid having it happen out of the blue. If I think there’s a chance of something coming up, I try to give the group a heads up.
Wait… What does Thief’s shirt say?
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS7EZ0Y2_waAnbouKMM2oDwS0D2KoSDGig-ww&usqp=CAU
I haven’t played in more than a year. The rest of the group is playing online, they take the opportunity to play games I wouldn’t like. I pass them the plot and lore notes, they enjoy the game. At least I got time to expand quite much the already big setting I made. When we are back we will got materials for several campaigns. So far we are good. But I miss my friends, trolling people isn’t the same at long distance. I need to feel their hate on person 🙁
Hey, chin up bro. Sending you all my hate. 🙂
Thanks, it’s good to be felt hated 🙂
A couple of years ago I had some serious exams coming up and basically said I didn’t have time to do my dm prep along with all that.
The party took turns dming in the same world as the campaign while I got to be a player for the first time.
We all got to roll new characters and goof off peripheral to the main plot. It was great. A minor npc was thwarted in his plans to take over a city, a devil was sent back to hell (it was an accident but still probably a good thing). And it led to a couple of entertaining moments when I got back to dming and the main characters got to see some of the consequences of my down-time (like the local sheriff telling them how great it is to work with people who are ….sane)
Last minute cancellations are rare with my group and usually involve a sick child, so we aren’t too bitter about it. We know that whoever canceled probably has it worse 🙂
If dnd is a no go then we pretty much go our own ways. We used to play pandemic legacy but the most recent season has been sitting unopened for months now.
Oh man… You just reminded me of my long-abandoned Risk Legacy game. We were only three games from the end and I was up a game. I doubt that one is ever going to come to a close.
Very understandable. I’m just getting back to my GMing for my group, as I generally put in extra work hours during a seasonal side-job and don’t have the mental energy to prep/run games. Generally my group ends up either cancelling entirely to do our own things, or play various multiplayer games on Steam (mostly Shellshock recently, since it is cheap and doesn’t demand too much attention).
One of our favorite non-gaming long-distance activity is a nice YouTube party. Everyone submits URls to short YouTube crap they’ve seen over the past couple of months, then we drink and talk over it. Is good times.
This comic is well timed. I considered skipping this weekend’s game on account of a work project deadline (due next Monday, but stressful and I’m flaky about the work)… And I will likely have to skip the rest of my next session(s) too. As will some other players due to exams and such.
The only times I really cancel my attendance is when deadlines loom, really. Or when something crops up that prevents my showing.
I know that we hold up the ensemble-driven epic as the game we all want. But I’m not sure I’ll ever run that game again. When one dude missing out cancels my campaign, I think it’s on me to rewrite and make allowances for comings and goings.
I have no idea what the next campaign will be after I wrap Starfinder and Crimson Throne and my megadungeon, but I’m willing to be it will be an episodic affair for exactly this reason.
What does Fighter’s shirt say? And what’s on that plate? Nachos? Cheetos? Legally distinct fantasy chips?
Having not consulted with Laurel on the topic, I am nevertheless certain that the shirt says “murder hobo” and the plate is full of Cheezos:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/dangerously-cheesy
Wow, I haven’t seen anyone reference Excel Saga in AGES!
I doubt it’d surprise you that my unwinding hobbies are anime and video games.
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/022/506/7c6.jpg
This is eerie, I had to skip my game this week due to having to work like 10 days in a row on graveyard shift so I had to sleep all during the session.
And sometimes it can be good to change up what game you run. Might be a good idea to have a mindless sorta one-shot adventure to just toss at the players. I’m trying to get an Ork Pirate adventure in 40k ready for just such a moment to simply have fun with.
This thing has proven valuable in that regard for my group:
https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Micro-RPG-Book-Tabletop-Games/dp/1507212860
On a small side note, a cool little thing I noticed when searching through spells on the Forgotten Realms wiki is that the spells changing over editions actually is written and referenced not as, say “this spell changed to have [x] effect in [x] edition” but rather “the earliest version of this spell changed to the latest version over [x[ period of time”.
The point being that the spells actually feel like they have been progressing through in world development and research.
So first, I need Thief’s hoodie.
Second, I have found that once a month meets with a planned 12-session story really work for my group currently. We’re all in our mid to late 20’s, so we all have a “career” instead of just a “job”, which has taken adjusting to. Some of us are either getting married, buying houses, having our first kids, or multiple at the same time. I have talked to my dad, a geek since college, amd he confirmed that his mid 20’s to early 30’s were the same, a lot of adjusting to adult life in a way that just doesn’t leave a lot of juice for hobby time.
Our solution was the once-a-month meet, trying for last Saturday of every month. It’s easy to plan around and occassionally we move it a week before/after for various reasons. Keeping it to 12 sessions means each year we can re-evaluate our player group. Some years someone drops out, or a new person joins. Knowing it’s only 12 sessions I think affords a sense of security. We all know this will end by next year, we all know that the GM (usually me) has planned a rough ending.
It’s sort of like getting into a TV show knowing they planned the whole season before it starts, and they won’t make a season 2. There’s not nearly as much commitment or fomo, it’s relaxing in a way I can’t quite describe.
This one is greenish:
https://www.teepublic.com/hoodie/2330438-rogues-do-it-from-behind-rpg-rogue
Love your solutions. Part of good design is adjusting for humans rather than making an “ideal game” in a vacuum. I love my megadungeon, but 8 years later I kind of wish that I had the opportunity to start the next big thing at the end of the calendar year.
I have two games currently going on with the same (tiny, just three people total) group, one with me DMing and one run by one of the other two players. We alternate Saturdays, so we’ll do my session one week and we’ll do his the next. If a week is skipped, the schedule keeps going, which does mean that sometimes one will get more attention than the other, but it works out more often than not.
By the way, what does Thief’s shirt say? Neves do mom behind? Heves do dom behind??
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/8c/e4/ad/8ce4adba5308628f668c242bc6816e58.jpg