Cosmetics
The inspiration for this one comes from Laurel’s World of Darkness days. Back when she was Vampire: The Masquerading it up like a proper goth, the party had a Nosferatu informant. If you’re unfamiliar with the clan, Nosferatu vamps are all about the monstrous corpse archetype. They’re creepy. They’re gross. They’re named after Count Orlok for a reason.
Any dang way, the NPC informant in question was a hacker. She’d provide assistance from behind the scenes, dropping a well-timed email or hiding a flash drive for the party to find. Homegirl was all too happy to fork over information in exchange for certain goods. The party just had to leave this payment near the sewer grate entrance to her lair, then watch one taloned hand reach out and pull them in. The party never saw her face. But because the ST enjoyed squicking out players, those ‘certain goods’ were usually cute lingerie and gothic Lolita dresses.
And now you know why this particular cyber vamp has ghouled a shop keeper. If you’re cursed to an eternity of hideousness, it’s hard work looking kawaii.
Silliness aside, I do think it’s worthwhile to pause and consider the plight of today’s undead monster. That’s because we share the same difficulty as gamers. Trying to help our characters look suitably badass is no easy task. MMOs get all manner of cool cosmetic items, allowing us to express ourselves in the grand tradition of paper doll dress-up. But in the imaginary medium of the tabletop, our magic items have to do some of the heavy lifting. Both the sleeves of many garments and the cloak of billowing spring to mind. The former allows you to revamp your look entirely, while the latter invites generic fantasy heroism.
And so, in the interest of looking cool in the land of imagination, what do you say we add to the list? For today’s discussion, pitch us a cosmetic item! What magical gizmo would give your dude a cool aesthetic? Corset of body modification? Eye glow monocles? Adjustable tattoos? Give us your best shot at a cool-looking-but-mechanically-useless item down in the comments!
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RGB lighting on my cyber arm
Rainbow punch?
Rainbow punch.
TASTE THE PAINBOW!
A grooming kit, for one, for basic hygenic needs. Few characters bother to buy one in Pathfinder 1e or Starfinder. Or even soap.
The Spheres of Power 3rd party items include the ‘Feline Finery’, from the (April 1st published) ‘Catgirl Handbook’. Great for superheroes / Vigilantes (especially of the Magical Girl archetype).
http://spheresofpower.wikidot.com/marvelous-items#toc25
Starfinder has a whole list of cosmetic/personal items as well, fitting its modern and commercial nature. Such as little critters that groom the fur of furred alien races, holographic displays, clothes that can shift between ten different outfits at will…
I’m pleased that the item tells us what happens to our human ears. It just invites controversy otherwise.
https://i.redd.it/9dmv2c0bpyz71.png
D&D 4e had an item that was basically a bunch of magical hair dye that you use to semi-permanently change you hair color into a new fanciful color (like pink or rainbow).
The gnomes made ’em for the “chromatically challenged” races, didn’t they?
Nothing magical yet, but clothes do feature surprisingly often in our current D&D campaign… the party is relatively evenly split between the fashion-conscious faction and the “what are you lunatics talking about?” faction. Granted it’s a more intrigue-heavy campaign than many, but I’m pretty sure this is the first game in my history where shopping for evening-wear (not armor) has actually occupied a significant part of a session.
But in terms of magic items… well, I suspect that my current bard would value something which magically cleaned and repaired items, removing bloodstains and filth from the inevitable sewer-crawls, and mending the frequent tears and burns. Sure, I _can_ do it with cantrips, but something along the lines of an Amulet of Clothing Preservation would be handy.
Heh. I learned to appreciate fashion back in this one:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/courtly-dress
Turns out to have been IRL foreshadowing for me, but still. Getting into *the look* was unexpectedly fun.
None of our party take it quite to the extremes of Fighter… some of the characters might not appreciate fashion per-se, but they do understand that you don’t show up to court covered in blood and smelling like you came in through the sewers. They just don’t get why some of their party members spend so much of their hard-earned gold on *tailoring*.
But yeah, it’s funny… personally, I’m not a fancy dresser, and have very little interest in fashion, other than to appreciate the aesthetics of good costume design. But increasingly, I’ve grown to enjoy playing characters who are *not* like me, and giving them an enthusiasm for something I might disdain is a good way to exercise that.
And looking back through the comic archives must be strange for you… do you find yourself looking at every strip, wondering if your mind was trying to tell you something? It must be easy to see that foreshadowing everywhere, imagined or otherwise…
As you might expect, I’ve found myself far more interested in fashion over the past year or so. Turns out I didn’t care much about *men’s* fashion. To be fair to my past self though, the uniform of T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers is pretty “default dude” across subcultures. That includes D&D geeks.
Oh for sure. Just on a quick visual scan through the backlog, one of our first comics was a gender gag:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/woodelf
Then we have a presumably male GM trying to fade to black as a busty bar maid:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/fade-to-black
Cross dressing for laughs back in teleportation mishap:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/troubles-with-teleportation
Magical devices that let you alter your appearance at will:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/macguffin
This incredibly on-the-nose shit:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/equal-armortunity
Ditto:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/gender-roles
Fucking ditto:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/high_stakes_bluff
You know, this is my first time actually doing this exercise, and I’m face palming pretty hard right now:
https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/traditional-garment
We got to Wizard’s gender bending after that. Meanwhile Fighter had become Femme-Fighter from Handbook of Erotic Fantasy #1. My point is, THERE WERE NO SIGNS. :/
Heh… you can see why I say “imagined or otherwise” though… I doubt there’s a gaming comic that hasn’t done gender-change jokes at some point — but it all looks like foreshadowing in hindsight. It’s easy to drive yourself mad with introspection… 😉
One last comment on this, incidentally… your own story reminds me that even if fashion isn’t particularly important in itself, it can be very symbolic of changes in a character’s life.
I’m thinking of one of my characters… her story can broadly be divided into three distinct phases, and they can be described surprisingly well in terms of clothing. There’s the “big-and-tall mens store” phase, because it’s hard for a 7-ft tall teenage cyborg to buy off the rack. There’s the “army green” phase, because Army. And then there’s the “anything goes” phase, where she’s no longer limited by teenage budgets or military regulations, and can express her own ideas. It’s a simplistic view, but surprisingly descriptive nevertheless.
That is kinda the rub when it comes to clothes in ttrpgs (at least in dnd) where clothes are merely divided into different outfits like commoner or noble. I do get it as not many people would want to micromanage their outfits, but at the same time it would be interesting to be able to get some non-magical benefits from fashion items.
Pathfinder 1e has a boatload of mechanically significant clothes:
https://www.d20pfsrd.com/equipment/goods-and-services/containers-bags-boxes-more/
Unfortunately, that mess rarely seems to come up in-game.
not just items, mostly spells but:
pathfinder, my level 1 witch (who later on multiclassed into vigilante) was going ‘super-hero’ style.
using the Cauldron hex and the help of his wizard side-kick. he would make potions of jump, expeditious retreat, cure light wounds and ant’s haul (so he can have a super jump, move fast, heal up and lift boulders and such).
but his most stylish thing was his dancing lights cantrip, which he cast in the ‘faintly glowing, vaguely humanoid shape’ and had it surround himself. he also made sure it moved with him (‘move as you desire (no concentration required)’ ), but a fraction of a moment after – so he would leave glowing ‘after-image’ of himself (that caught up to him) as he moved) Dude was dramatic as hell even at level 1 🙂
Did you multiclass vigilante?
Would love to see Shining Glasses (for all your “all according to plan” needs) or a shirt that gives you an ambient cloud of sparkles. Or colour adjustable contacts/glasses.
A dirt cheap set of color-change contacts would be a great bit of RP fluff. I’ll take twelve!
One of my very first characters, made when I was 9 or so, was a fighter with a sombero (I don´t think there was any reason for it other than the fact that I liked stories about Zorro and big hats). My older cousin drew him, and I must admit I have yet to see a more compelling character design. Just a guy in simple armor, with a very big hat.
Apart from that eyepatches are almost always a good addition to an outfit.
Don’t keep us in suspense, dude. Show the pic! 😀
It is sadly on a piece of paper in some box quite a bit from my current position. So you will all have to stay in suspense. But trust me, it looked pretty swanky.
Useless cosmetic that you make sure you mention at every session because you just love it to death?
Both myself and our groups ranger/rogue ended up with “pets” that fulfil that bill!
I earned a wind up clockwork pigmy snow owl that I made sure to wind up every morning so that it could flutter around and land on my shoulder, arm, head, staff, etc throughout the day, always flitting away at the first sign of danger and returning once the danger had passed.
Our ranger/rogue (technically more levels of rogue than ranger, but he used a crossbow almost exclusively and was essentially a scout sniper… plus the following!) gained a companion whether he wanted it or not. We helped a wizard with a problem, and then the wizard gave us a flying elven cat as a “reward”. The cat had the exact same mechanical features as my clockwork pigmy snow owl, in that it did absolutely nothing but be constantly mentioned as to what ct-like activity it might be partaking in with every session we played after. Unlike my character who fell in love with my pet immediately, part of the RP of our “ranger” was how he didn’t want a pet, but the DM made sure that there was only one way he would get rid of the cat, so he eventually came to terms with having a flying kitty pet, and eventually found he loved it too.
Cosmetic pets. Not just for an MMO!
Just ran this one:
https://adventureaweek.com/shop/5th-edition/5e-mini-dungeons/5e-mini-dungeon-158-mine-shrine-of-uldathil/
The prize is a sacred dwarven canary that is indestructible while in its cage and warns your of gas-based dangers with its song. Really cool piece of kit.
I wish I had ideas for these but shadowrun 5e stole them all from me. That system had every random cosmetic item you could think of fully statted. I had a runner who went by Euryale who had robotic snake hair that had full stats. Although admittedly the one thing it did not have stats for was tear away clothing. And while that may seem random it popped up twice through are standalone runs. Once because I had a shaman named Rex whose schtick was shifting into animals and it implicitly said that clothing will tear if your still wearing it when you shift. And I cannot remember why the other one needed it but I believe it had something to do with the word Bronytaur which I still use to haunt my dm to this day.
I always wanted sawblade fingernails. The extend, turn perpendicular, and act as tiny circular saws at the end of each finger. Put an LED at the end of those bad boys and you got yourself a l’il death pinwheels.
Fangs of Speech
Despite being large and prominent, these artificial fangs do not obstruct the wearer’s speech. They cannot be used for bite attacks, unless the wearer already possessed a bite attack.
lol grillz
Be very, very specific when asking for a ‘Cocked’ Hat of Rakishness….
WARNING: Image may be disturbing for some people
https://images-eu.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41RXZTOg46L._SY300_QL70_.jpg
Very cocky indeed. XD
I tend to go for PF2e’s glamered rune, or 5e’s shiftweave, glamoured studded leather armor, and the cloak of many fashions.
I briefly had a warrior (FFXIV-themed homebrew class for 5e that was basically a hybrid fighter/barbarian) with a ring that gave her glowing red eyes when she Berserked (slightly weaker rage) because of the effect WARs get in FFXIV when they use their equivalent ability.
My GM gave me the Death Dealer helm once.
https://www.frazettagirls.com/products/death-dealer-i-print
Its eyes glowed red, providing my barbarian with a bonus to Intimidate.
As it happened, the awakened corgi warlock was much better at intimidation. Scariest li’l bork you’ve ever heard in your life!
I’ve never done the “apparel/appearance” doodads thing (unless capes of charisma count), but I have had characters who want all the comforts while on the trail. A wizard who had every magic item that would make things more cozy, like a cloak of tent, a heward’s haversack filled with camp furniture (cot of comfort, writing desk and chair, camp stool, rugs, blankets, camouflage netting, braziers of bug repellent, etc), a kettle that boiled, warmed, or chilled whatever was in it, a cook pot that turned raw food into gourmet meals, etc. This was 3e and I think fully half that PC’s magic item “allotment” (in raw GPs) was dedicated to “pointless comfy items”.
I’ve had other PCs carry “make things comfy” gear, but never one that went to hose lengths.
I’m in a pathfinder E6 game. One of my co-GMs have us a magical wagon the folds to portable and acts as a permanent mage’s magnificent mansion. Having to bite my tongue real hard about gold piece value. But honestly, it doesn’t seem to do much besides flavor our camps. Kind of makes me wonder why we don’t treat that kind of thing as a given?
Tenser’s Throne: This small model of a throne serves as an arcane focus for the Floating Disk ritual. When used in the ritual, the resulting floating disk instead appears as a throne upon which the caster may sit. Further, while seated, the caster may freely direct it to move at a speed of 20 feet. The exact appearance of the throne is left to the caster, although any effects beside the throne are illusory.
Is that a real thing? That should be a real thing. It’s excellent.
One of my DMs had the “Hat of Foppishness”. Which was essentially a wide brimmed hat that made the wearer look like they were wearing the bleeding edge of fashion and totally harmless (except to fashion critics of course.)
Our group got tired of getting surprised in camp when everyone but whoever was on shift for guarding, was out of armor. Another member of the group semi-retired his character and we spent the next ingame year providing him with bits and pieces of various exotic flora and fauna. He and the local archmage came up with a soft, dragonhide belt that could be loaded with up to 12 changes of clothing/armor. You just had to have all the changes there when the belt had its final enchantment and change into each during the spell casting. This, along with the “White Tornado” spell an earlier group had come up with, meant the group was always clean, freshly mended and ready to go for any situation that came up.
Providing the archmage with the various ingredients required for the belts was a nice side gig for the group and he raked in the gold with the local nobility.
These are great! If you were to do the formal write-up, I have no doubt they’d be good enough for publication someplace.
Are you sure he’s a ghoul? And not just a regular retail employee?
Heh. We are in THE SEASON: https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/the-blackest-friday
Actually, one of my stock characters (Arthur Grace the Paladin) dyes his hair blue. I just use the price for “replacement cosmetics” for the hair dye.
Little character details like that are a lot of fun.